Fashion Farts. Meaning, “fashion blunders,” “fashion no-no’s,” “what the schmell were they thinking?”. So, let’s all say it together…”fashion farts”.
By the way, if you know someone with some serious fashion gas, this is the perfect excuse to tell them “Hey, you should check out this great blog that I love to read…”. Maybe they’ll get a clue and you’ll never have to say a word. It’s all about being passive-aggressive, baby.
Beauty/Fashion Fart #1
Obvious Foundation
Foundation is supposed to look natural. You’re not fooling anyone by wearing a darker foundation. We know you’re not tan or someone with flawless skin, we think you’re a weirdo.
Instead, try Mineral makeup. It’s usually a powder applied with a brush that makes it easier to blend and control coverage. I have been loving Bare Escentuals bareMinerals.
Beauty/Fashion Fart #2
Sperm Eyebrows
Oh, yes I did. I said sperm. Eyebrows should look nothing like sperm. You know the kind…overplucked, little ball on the end, and then a teeny little tail. Eww. Equally bad are the drawn on eyebrows, or “perma-surprised” eyebrows.
This is how to pluck: Your eyebrows should start and line up with the inner point of your eye (see #1) The arch should peak at #2, found by looking straight ahead and noting the outside part of your iris (the colored part of your eye). Your eyebrows should end diagonally to the outside point of your eye. (see #3)
Beauty/Fashion Fart #3
Long-Butt Jeans
Why, oh why, oh why, would a woman purposely wear jeans that make her butt look as long as I-don’t-know-what and totally flat? Give me a clue. Long-butt is caused by super high-rise jeans. Speaking of jeans, just because you can zip them up…doesn’t mean they fit. You shouldn’t have to lay down or jump to be able to get them on.
- Lighter washes make you look “bigger”.
- A slight flare is the most flattering on the most body shapes.
- If your behind is large, don’t wear skinny jeans.
-Low rises (but not too low) usually flatter the bum more…make it seem more perky and small. The jean should hit right at or slightly below the hipbone.
- The most flattering jeans have a bit of stretch because they hold you in better.
-To make your legs look longer, the jean should come down to your the bottom of your heel
There’s lots of great jeans out there…and lots of bad ones. 7 For All Mankind are super pricey, but fit like a glove and can be found for half price or more on eBay or at Downeast Outfitters. Jessica likes Sophie or the Big Star jeans at The Buckle. Anyway, designer jeans are often softer and fit great but you can also find great jeans for more reasonable prices. And, you don’t have to be stick thin to be able to look hot in jeans! Shop around! Just please don’t buy long-butt jeans!
Beauty/Fashion Fart #4
Bad Fake Tan
This applies to creams or tanning beds. Orange is not a skin color. Basically, there is what society calls “black” and “white” and then there are the shades that fall in between. But, orange isn’t one of them. Hopefully, we have all learned how bad tanning beds are for our skin, how orange they make us, and how old they make your skin look. So, that leaves us with self-tanners…my advice is to check out the reviews on http://www.makeupalley.com/. It is a fun site that people get to review all things “beauty”. Some quick recommendations are Jergins Natural Glow and Clarins Delicious Self Tanning. I personally love Xen-Tan for the most perfect coloring!
Beauty/Fashion Fart #5
Spider Eyes
Spider Eyes happen when your mascara is clumpy and you look like you only have 3 eyelashes. Obese eyelashes. This does not look good, I promise. Being around someone with clumpy eyelashes is SO distracting. Mascara is one of those things that I have never felt the need to splurge on. I splurge on face moisturizers, lip gloss, sometimes jeans and shoes. That’s it. But, no matter how many great and pricey mascaras I’ve tried…I always come back to Maybelline’s Great Lash. Five buckaroos.
Despite my devotion to this, many people lean towards Maybelline’s Full and Soft. Both great prices. Try ‘em. Great Lash is more runny (I like it that way for application) and Full and Soft is more dry.
Surely you are a sexy, hot mama and find this info completely irrelevant. But, once again…this is just a favor for you…so that you don’t have to break the news to your mother-in-law, best bud, or co-worker. I’ve done it for you. Just one more reason to spread the word about this blog 
Mariel
Owner & Author at Or so she says...
Mariel (mahr-eeee-elle) is a mother to six, wife to one. Loves homeschooling, golfing, cupcakes, traveling, cuddling, non-fiction books, gardening, James Taylor, family time, and a sexy wedge. This is her blog. Enjoy!
@orsoshesays
Blogger, Promoting Motherhood, Creativity, Great Ideas, Good Food, and Family Values. http://www.oneshetwoshe.com
My hot lunch date. @ Olive Garden http://t.co/bxMw2Rt3Dw - 22 hours ago
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Tell it like it is, Mariel!
This is some super fabulous advice! I’ve had a fashion fart with foundation but instead of going darker I look like a Dr. Cullen when he first comes through those hospital doors in Twilight.
Well, great. Now I can’t leave the house. Evidently I’m flatulent.
Except for my lovely, not fake at all, pale skin. Oh, and no one would ever accuse my kiester of being flat, no matter WHAT state of the union it resembled. (Right now we’re doing Texas; fingers crossed for, say, Louisiana!)
Amen and Amen… Sometimes I try to imagine what goes through people’s minds as they look in the mirror before leaving the house.. I think in some cases it is possible that they have no mirror!!
(FYI MEK jeans from Buckle are also a great fit- on anyone and are cheaper than 7′s)
Nick and I were looking at your post and he said… Honey your eyes look like that! Doh! He can tell it like it is too! (I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about though)
SO, at least Dr. Cullens is hot, right??
DeNae, based on your profile pic…I can totally visualize you with a Louisianna. And, it looks nice!
Jessica, I know for dang sure that you don’t have sperm eyebrows! Nick is clueless.
I am cracking up and left slighly speechless after this post. Nice visuals. Lord, please bless that I never suffer from flat butt!
Jess, Thanks for the MEK jeans suggestion! I’ll have to check them out, cause I know your butt is hot!
Reb, don’t worry. Flat butt is almost always caused by the jeans! And you are WAY too cool to buy jeans like that!
American Eagle jeans are my faves…not TOO pricey, and usually super soft! Also, don’t forget to mention that if you have a smaller rear-end (like me), noticeable pockets/pocket flaps give your hind end a nice boost. =)
This post totally made me love you, BTW…in case you were wondering!
Brooks looked over and noticed that’s the mascara I use. It just does the job.
Express jeans are wonderful, and if you time it right, you can get them for $30 and they don’t wear out quick
Hilarous, useful info for all!! I really do enjoy this blog. Keep up the good work and thanks for the tips, we can all use a little help from time to time.
that was so great. i’m bustin’ seams from laughin’ so hard, LOL!!!!
I like the new term
I couldn’t agree more, thanks for gratifying a greedy philologist with a new word.
I think a great addition to this post would be mini skirts. Really no one should wear them, however they DEFINITELY shouldn’t be made any bigger than a size 4…… only a very lucky person should see your behind, not everyone at the mall who happens to be walking behind you.
EXACTLY! Sometimes people just need it spelled out, and with pictures. I was trying to tell my mom not to wear her mom jeans out of the house… she didn’t know which jeans I meant. I meant the long butt jeans.
Amen…#4 made me think of a song I sang in Sunday School “Red and Yellow, Black & White, they are precious in His sight…” Nope, no mention of Orange….got it?
Hahaha! Long butt jeans! Lol!
WHERE did you get the long butt visual! Ha! totally enjoyed.
When did I become my Mom
Long butt jeans! Too funny. That is the same type of mascara I use because it doesn’t clump up like others I have tried. Great post!
I have tried Great Lash I don’t know how many times – because I have read many reviews similar to yours. It has never worked for me. Perhaps I’ll try Full and Soft…
I love your blog. This was a great post..ummm unfortunately i fall under those fashion blunders..a few anyhow..but whats a chunkier woman to do..with no time..
the sperm eyebrows was the funniest..i spit tea out of my nose reading that…(no i don’t have sperm eyebrows.)
Hehehe, long butt jeans. Thanks for the reminder – I need to go jeans shopping, and I will take a friend with to make sure I don’t wind up with long butt jeans.
Excellent advice! I was worried that I might find myself falling into one or three of those categories, but thankfully I didn’t. That made my morning!
Happy SITS Day!
I love it when the SITS fb is someone I already read.
It’s confirmation that I’m right, plus I don’t have to work real hard to come up with comment brilliance.
(Because sometimes my comment brilliance looks like regular comment.)
Congrats on your big day.
“Fashion Farts”…
I think “Doesn’t everyone know this?”
Then I go out in public and I realize women are Not. Paying. Attention.
Yikes.
Mineral makeup = love, love, love.
The liquid stuff should be banned for the sake of all humankind.
LOL!
I’ve seen all of them! The makeup part aggravates me the most though.
We ALL know you are wearing like a pound right now, because it LOOKS it! LOL!
Engoy you SITS day!
Hilarious but true! Especially the long butt Jean, there is no need fir them, I didn’t even know they still sold them. Great post, happy SITS day!
I never heard of long butt jeans before. This post is very educational. Personally, I’m not into make-up or fashion. I don’t use make-up and wear whatever is most comfortable and appropriate for where I’m going. I love flannel shirts on a cool day. I assume you’d have something to say about those too, huh?
No one ever call me a fashionista! Thanks for the educational post….now I’m nervous to put on my jeans. LOL!
Happy SITS day!
That is so true about the mascara! I love Mabelline Great Lash too!
Great tips about shopping for jeans too!
I know some people who have the fake tan, and they really do believe that they look good! So sad…
Congrats on you SITS Day!
With foundation… I hate it when I see the foundation line at the neck… I think we need to have more mirrors so peopl can see what they have done.
Great advice… I’ll go throw away my long jeans now
Happy SITS day!
Weirdly-plucked eyebrows are a pet peeve of mine. Glad you set “them” straight! ;o)
Congrats on your SITS day!
Happy SITS Day!
I used to use Bare Minerals, but started using Physician’s Formula. It’s a great line….love it! My skin likes to get orangey, just from the real sun:( Guess it’s all the carrots I eat? LOL.
my mother n law wears long butt jeans at time. hmmm…how do i break the news to her?
I so needed that eyebrow diagram!
fake tan and bad eyebrows ARENT good? wait a minute….
haha. What a fun post!
Those are good ones, I see so many who have problems with their foundation!
This is funny too. I hate the long butt jeans, and seriously skinny jeans? I hate you for existing!
Man, and I thought I was totally fashionable with my long-butt mommy jeans…
Just kidding.
Thanks for the post, though, ’cause I have worn out my most favorite pair of perfect jeans, and I am having trouble finding another pair.
Congrats on your SITS day!
I think you’ve described all-out fashion diarrhea here! Happy SITS! You’re a gas!
Happy SITS!
No fashion fart here and I love my Maybelline Mascara – I have tried other, but I end up right back with the “great last”!!!
Happy SITS!
Is there such a thing as tanning cream that doesn’t make you look orange? I’ve had no luck – and orange is an especially unattractive color when you have red hair.
Great post!
I really need to try that mineral foundation!
Great post! Happy SITS day!
Funny! Happy SITS day!
Kerri
http://www.sickofmg.blogspot.com
More on jeans!! Jeans shopping is THE worst…next to sharing a bathroom with a man!
Fun post SITSTA! Fun blog!
Awesome!!
Yikes, do I ever need the eyebrow make over. I am a master plucker and I have the carpel tunnel to prove it. Have you ever known someone who has 5 oclock shadow on their eyebrows? Keri
OHHHH
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
This is just TOO too funny.
I think the jeans thing is really a personal fit thing. I have a terribly boy-shaped body. I’m a size 12 but my hips and waist are almost the same measurement. I have slight hips and an enormous waist. Thus, a persistent muffin top. No good. So, the hipster jeans often don’t work for me. But I just can’t bring myself to try on uber-expensive jeans because I know I will fall in love with them and not be able to resist them. Then I will have no choice but to deny my children Fruit Snacks and Karate lessons in order to make my butt look good in jeans. Because, you know, I have so many places to go as a SAHM.
And, personally, I have given Great Lash a try twice. I hate it. It is too clumpy for me. I like the one by Maybelline with the teensy weensy brush. I can’t remember the name but it works great!
I love the Great Lash Mascara too, you can’t find better.
Great jean fit suggestions, that was my favorite part! thanks for telling it like it is, somebody had to!
Happy SITS day!
This is one reason I embrace my ghostly skin. I am pale, yes, and in the summer I blind the other pedestrians. HOWEVER, I don’t look like a giant, leathery goober whose skin has been forever dyed by tanning beds or sprays. I’m pale and it’s natural, dammit!
LOVE the brow plucking tutorial!!!
Happy SITS Day!
Just checked my butt in the mirror – these jeans are good!
I agree with all of these! People…look at yourselves in a mirror once in a while! lol
I use the same mascara…it just works, and it’s cheap!
Thank you! I have been saying for years that just because you can zip um up, it doesn’t mean they fit. I am overjoyed to find someone who says the same thing.
Happy SITS Day!
This is so funny because it is sooo true!! I love the sperm eyebrow reference!! I have seen so many women with these, and they are usually the same ones with the foundation line.
The Hubs and I love to point these out to each other when we are out, it becomes a game to see who can find the most.
Thanks for the giggles this morning.
Sometimes it is just good to be a goat.
Happy SITS day.
It’s all about eyebrow threading.. and I am a bare minerals fan too!
Oh, the jeans. The jeans!
Aaaaahhhh!!! Mom jeans! Run!
Fashion farts, indeed. When my daughter was in middle school she and her friends dubbed them ‘fashion fopes’, short for faux pas! It has stuck, and we all still refer to ‘fashion fopes.’ God knows there are enough examples out there!
I have to say I’m pretty guilty on the sperm eyebrow look.I do this style every now and then. This is usually caused by over plucking…sometimes I become obsess with both sides being totally equal and they keep getting smaller and smaller.
have you seen the SNL skit about mom jeans? this post reminded me of it..
Another great post…and helpful…I am going to the closet now to throw out all jeans that are light wash.
“Orange is not a skin color.” I LOVE it!!! This is a great post!!!
Nice tips.
Happy SITS Day!
Now I need to go wash off my mascara, foundation, and fake tan and then change my jeans….hangs my head in shame.
LOL!! LOVE it!! I hate the sperm eyebrows… though I never thought of it that way. And I HATE the long but jeans… I SWEAR to never wear them!
I love this post! I especially love the term sperm-eyebrows. Never heard that before. But I must say, I hate it when people say “pluck” eyebrows. We PLUCK chickens, we TWEEZE our brows.
I’m always getting on to my mom about the long butt jeans thing!!! You crack me up!
Great post, I love the term “Fashion Farts.” We all do it from time to time, but nobody wants to talk about it!
Happy SITS day!
Sperm eyebrows is my favorite!!!! LOL
Happy SITS Day
Nice tips. Taking note.
Great tips – all of ‘em, made me laugh too, who would have thought of SPERM EYEBROWS!!! If you ever feel like checking out some other great mineral makeup or new lipglosses, mascara, or whatever – check out my marykay website: http://www.marykay.com/katrinabrandenburg
Totally favorite is the sperm eyebrows; just makes such a lovely mental picture.
Good advice and pretty true. My solution is make up free…
Oooooh spider eyes…. I used to have a housemate that had really really bad spider eyes/mascara goop thingy going on. How do people even get mascara to go on like that in the first place, let alone leave it on like that???! Bizarro.
Happy SITS day!
LBMxxxx
Awesome, I agree with all of that. Thankfully spider eyes are hard to come by where I live. AND never heard of sperm eyebrows, that’s hysterical. Hi from SITS!
Fashion Farts? I love it! I will loyally spread the new term around.
Happy SITS day!
HAHAH!! I’m totally incorporating the phrase ‘Fashion Fart’ into my repertoire.
So true! Totally enjoyed this post!
loved this post.
Happy sITS day!
Love bare minerals! i wonder what i did before they came out! And oh, skinny jeans…they just shouldn’t be made in certain sizes! And…one big fashion fart – muffin tops!!! do they feel their spare tire hanging over their pants? through their tight shirt? and they are OK w/ that?? loved the post!
I hate it when I get sperm in my eyebrows. Oh wait, that’s not what you were talking about.
I hate buying jeans. HATE IT! They don’t make jeans for my body type in my price range.
I too swear by Maybelline mascara.
LMBO at last commentor!
too funny!
Happy SITS day! Great tips, always appreciated.
I agree with every single one of these. Great post.
Great tips! Everyone should read these, especially the fake tan one. Happy SITS day!
I swear I’m still recovering from when I badly plucked my eyebrows in high school.
Oh, and naturally, I blame my mom.
I think I know that “girl” the one with the Long Butt, Sperm Eyebrows, Clumpy Mascara and you left out Muffin Top…she was leaving the club at about 3AM!
Have a great day!
Oh, I hate the orange face!
I tried Bare Minerals. The woman insisted that I let her apply the bronzer. “It’s part of the package and for good reason. I promise it will look good on you”
Hello Oompa-Loompa Sarah!
Foundation is one of my pet peeves, too
Great post – I’m so glad I found you through SITS!~
I have seen way too many shocking instances of sperm brows!
I found this very informative! This should be a guide to life. More women need to read this one.
I absolutely loved this post!! I can’t stand the “Spider Lashes” and I want to give away an eyelash comb to every woman I see that has them! The mascara I love is Cover Girl’s Lash Blast Volume in the orange tube! I love love love it! It’s only a couple $ more than Great Lash and totally worth it! (once I found a 4 pack at Costco for like $13…I totally jumped on that!)