In today’s society, we are constantly bombarded with images of reedy, slender, gaunt, and I would even go as far to say “meager” looking models. For normal people, I mean those of us who don’t have 5’10″ and 115 pounds written in their genetic makeup, we have to strive to be something we aren’t, which in all reality will only happen if we do something unnatural. For example, binging, purging, overexercising or starving yourself. Unfortunately, the summer before my Freshman year in High School, I fell culprit to this “messed up” way of thinking.
For 8 years I struggled with an eating disorder. Then when I got married and my husband I were trying to get pregnant, that was the first time I really did something about it. Through counseling, I came to the realization that I was defining myself through being thin.
I know many times when I’m eating healthy, working out, and feeling good about myself, I will turn the tv on to The Bachelor or Survivor, just to see girls in scantily clad bikinis (some of them make it so obvious they are there only to show themselves off). It often makes me doubt myself, again. Obviously, monitoring what your kids watch will make a huge difference. I know one thing my mom implemented when I was a teenager, was to not have fashion magazines around the house. She didn’t want us to think we had to look like those models or that looking that way was more important than being a good person.
I think parents have a huge influence on how their girls (and boys) view how they look at themselves. I have a friend who’s father-in-law is constantly commenting about womens bodies in front of his own daughter. She is very self conscious about how she looks and her body. She has also struggled with a weight obsession. What’s a young girl to think if her OWN father is emphasizing what is ideal in a woman’s body?? Much of a daughter’s self-esteem comes directly from her father. Father’s need to let their daughters know that it is more important to be kind, to be smart, and happy then to look “the part”. He needs to make sure she knows that she is important and loved by him, a man. It helps her to realize there really are men out there that will love her for who she is and know that she is special too…just like her daddy.
As a mother, I have to be careful about what I say about my body. If I’m constantly saying how “fat” I am, how I need to lose weight, if I’m feeling ugly, etc. Halle will pick up on it and think, “mom says that, it must be true about me too”. I try to tell Halle one thing a day that I like about her. But I don’t always comment about how she looks. I tell her she is a great helper, that she is smart, or great at painting, how I love her curly hair and she lights up!
Dying To Be Thin by Ira Sacker and Marc Zimmer. $12 Amazon.
~ Jessica
Mariel
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I’m glad you’re doing better! I agree, parents can make a big difference (for better or for worse) on their childrens body image.
Thanks for sharing, love ya!
I remember when I first started to see myself as fat. I was so young, in elementary, in fact.
It has taken a really long time to come to terms with seeing myself as a confident, lovable, and yes, vivaciously curvy woman, rather than the cubby, funny girl role that I gave myself in my younger years (like I was a character-actor in a movie, the cooky best friend, but never the main role or love-interest).
I teach high school, and I see girls (of all sizes) who identify themselves with their weight, or, more accurately, their false perception of their weight, and I know they feel the same way about themselves as I did about me at that age.
I just want to shake them and yell, “You are beautiful! It’s not about being skinny; it’s about being healthy. It’s not about having the body of a swimsuit model; it’s about being happy with your own body. No matter how tiny your waist is, how long your legs are, how taught your butt is, or how big your boobs are, none of that, or even all of that combined for that matter, can make up for you own self-confidence.”
Sorry…long comment. Women and body image always strikes a chord with me. I think all of us struggle with it, on some level, which is such a tragedy.
GREAT post! I too, struggled with an eating disorder. The thing most people don’t realize is that it is a “control issue”. We feel empowered and ‘in control’ when we can starve ourselves and that is addicting. The hardest thing to overcome is the negative way we look at ourselves and also the negative way we view Food! I love food now, but it is a love/hate relationship. Every bite I put in my mouth is tied to guilt later. It is a lifetime sentence to have an eating disorder.. you have to ‘convince’ yourself every day to try and have a healthy view of food. Not only that, but your metabolism is severely damaged by starvation, which only exacerbates the problem once you start eating normally again.
Such important issues to share with our daughters and young women we are in contact with. Thanks for sharing, Jessica!
thank you for sharing your story jessica! it is down right scary raising a daughter today.
even though i have never had an “eating disorder” i have DEF struggled with body image issues…
love all the comments so far =)
What a great post. my husband grew up with a girl that had an eating disorder and she wrote this book http://afuturefortomorrow.blogspot.com
Such a great post! Love you, Jess! Another great book I would recommend (as a therapist who has worked with eating disorders) is “Life Without Ed.”
Like a previous comment said, it is a control issue. Food is something that individually we can control and many girls and women unfortunately use it. No one wants to be the “odd man out” because of how they look or percieve others see them and we struggle to fit into that perfect size and it only hurts us! Eating disorders, either eatting too little or too much are emotionally and physically damaging. I feel for all those who have to carry that weight, emotionally around. Even if and when we are happy with where we are we have the unfortunate memories of the unhappy relationship with food. Such a sad thing! Thank you Jessica for sharing a glimpse at your road.
Thanks for being so open and sharing about such a “private” topic. Society’s views of women on topics like this make it so scary to think about raising girls. Keep up the good work with Halle – she’s lucky to have such an awesome mom!