Hi! My name is Sherrie, and I feel honored to have been asked to guest post on “Or So She Says”! A little about me: I am a thirty-something wife and mother of three cute, crazy monkeys by day, and an independent professional pianist/composer by night. I released my first solo piano album, “Solitude” last year. Some of my hobbies include, but are not limited to: blogging (obviously), running marathons, playing piano and writing music, singing, softball, reading, and lunching with my girls, and hanging out with my family. I blog at Sher the Love, and you can find my music at http://www.sherrieshepherdpiano.com/
My beautiful family: Bea, Me, TJ, C and KJ
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For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with some form or another of depression. From the time I was a little girl, I suffered from crippling shyness, the only remedy of which stemmed from my unconditional love of music. Music was my only respite from the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a very happy childhood. Two loving parents, a house full of siblings, nice neighborhood. My parents are still happily married. I was never abused, and I was brought up in a happy, religious home.
Even so, as I aged, I doubted my abilities, sure that others were better than me. I struggled with friends. As I entered into adulthood, allowing my lack of self worth to coerce me into bad decisions, bad relationships, and overall a bad self image, I found myself surrounded constantly by little devils, whispering not-so-sweet nothings into my ears.
I was blessed enough, despite my insecurities, to meet a wonderful man, who would become my husband. Together, we learned to identify, recognize and eventually deal with my depression.
At my darkest moments, I felt as though I were trapped into a tiny box, and couldn’t escape, all the while watching as some foreigner entered my body and took over, setting fire to the place, and wreaking havoc.
After bouts of severe post-partum depression, which I later learned were more or less extensions of a chronic emotional state that I had refused to recognize, I finally decided to seek help. I called my doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants. I talked to a therapist. All of these things took the edge off, but never quite “fixed” me. I was either in a haze from the drugs, or wallowing in self pity.
The worst part was that I was humiliated to be having these feelings. I felt as if I didn’t deserve to be depressed. On the outside, my life appeared to be perfect. Being depressed comes with a stigma that there is something wrong with me, or so I thought. I was too embarrassed to allow people to see how horribly I was suffering in silence.
It wasn’t until many years later that I have since learned how to cope with my depression in ways that are more healthy and natural. I learned to combat my demons with more natural resources.
In the past year, I was blessed with a severe illness that not only helped me to “reset” my life, but helped me identify the source of my depression as a severe hormonal imbalance. It was such a relief, and incredibly therapeutic to finally have some answers, and to know that I wasn’t just crazy.
I started blogging. The first time I ever wrote about being depressed on my blog, I was terrified of what my friends would think of me. But, still, I put it out there. I was amazed to discover just how therapeutic is was for me to write about my feelings. And even more so to see how many people came out of the wood work, friends who I saw as having perfect, happy lives, suffering with the same trials as I was. Finally, I could talk about this demon, and not be ashamed.
Additionally, I exercised every day. I started running. A lot. I discovered the thrill and the sense of accomplishment that I received after I finished my first 5k, then half marathon, and finally my first full marathon. I may have become addicted to the sweet nectar of endorphins, but I was happy when I was running. I have since found nothing else that compares to the healing power of running, for me.
I indulged in my music more. I started writing, and I found my respite to be a new found medication for my sickness. When I felt the rage building, I would sit down and just pound at the piano. I now believe that God blessed me with my gift of music to help me overcome my sorrows.
I still struggle with depression. The darkness still threatens me on a daily basis. But, I’ve learned how to deal with these little bouts by surrounding myself with good friends, and appreciating my wonderful little family. I’ve come to accept that I do have a chemical imbalance, and that my body needs medicine to correct that imbalance, and that I’m not a bad person because suffer from depression. I’ve stopped allowing myself to feel the pressure of being the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect housekeeper. I’ve learned to accept me for me, flaws and all, and that it’s not about being perfectly perfectly. No, life is about learning how to finding joy in the journey. And I am doing that.
I hope and pray that this post may help someone cope with their depression and realize that they are not alone.
~ Sher
~ Sher
Mariel
Owner & Author at Or so she says...
Mariel (mahr-eeee-elle) is a mother to six, wife to one. Loves homeschooling, golfing, cupcakes, traveling, cuddling, non-fiction books, gardening, James Taylor, family time, and a sexy wedge. This is her blog. Enjoy!
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Thanks for this! I think more women need to hear these words!
Thanks for sharing your story. There was one period in my life where I got sucked up into a real state of depression. It was the most consuming thing I have ever felt and my mind couldn’t ever comprehend NOT feeling as sad as I was. I also didn’t want anyone to know, I was ashamed to be feeling that way. Luckily, I had a breakdown in front of my husband that opened the doors and allowed me to talk about it. It was SO amazing (like you said) how just TALKING about it can help so much. It was such a relief and the start of the process to become whole again.
I can’t imagine constantly battling the demon of depression. I’m glad that you have found sources of relief and explanations to your feelings. I hardly know you but can tell you are an amazing person who truly has been blessed…keep smiling! Thanks for the post
Sher, what a wonderful, heartfelt post. Thank you for your honesty. As someone who also struggles from depression, I have shared many of the same feelings. Thank you, for just being you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have also been dealing with depression for many years, and I am so touched by your honesty and bravery. It is so nice to hear the stories of others and know we are not alone.
I know how scary it is to come out and talk about this stuff, so I really appreciate you taking the time to write this post.
Thank you for posting this!
thank you for this post. i’ve suffered from depression for years, not really telling anyone about it. it’s like what sher said how everything on the outside looks perfect but inside there’s a battle going on. it was comforting to not feel alone. thanks again, lovely post.
Love you, lady. Beautifully written and articulated.
Sherrie:
Thanks so much for sharing something that is difficult to talk about! I too have struggled with depression and have found that although it’s hard to talk about, it is very therapeutic. It’s so good to know that others out there struggle with the same thing. I have felt ‘crazy’ for so long because I really don’t have much to be depressed about. Thanks for your wonderful post!
Sherrie:
Thanks so much for sharing something that is difficult to talk about! I too have struggled with depression and have found that although it’s hard to talk about, it is very therapeutic. It’s so good to know that others out there struggle with the same thing. I have felt ‘crazy’ for so long because I really don’t have much to be depressed about. Thanks for your wonderful post!
It is so nice to know that we aren’t alone, even in the most lonely of places. What strength and courage it takes to share something so personal. Thank you for being one more person fighting a battle to make depression more understood and less stigmatized.
Hey girl! LOVE your pictures first of all. Gorgeous gorgeous! Secondly, I have read about what you write on your depression on your blog, but I loved how you wrote this post. We are here, we love ya!
Great post! I admire your willingness to be vulnerable.
I went through a time of depression in college. Thankfully, my brother was at college with me and I had a breakdown when I was with him one day. He did an amazing job of letting me talk to him about it and work through it with time. I had felt so ashamed about it, even though I couldn’t control it. It felt good to get it out and talk about it. I also found it very helpful to exercise regularly. Listening to music was one of my favorite ways to escape.
This is a really illuminating post. I now know a little more about depression and am a little wiser today.
Thanks for sharing.
A new reader and follower.
Rambles with Reese
Beautifully written. The sad thing about depression is that if you have it, you’re afraid to accept that fact, and you repress it even more, which obviously isn’t therapeautical. I’m glad you’ve written this post. As hard as I’m sure it was to divulge the information, there are so many women who need to hear it and know that they’re not in it alone.
So glad you’ve found your joy and strength in so many things (and that you have a great support system as well). You’re absolutely beautiful!
Loved reading your post. I felt the same way with my PPD, and have found the same things help me to feel better as well. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Thank you for sharing this. I was diagnosed with depression several years ago (and I’d known I had depression for a few years before THAT, but I hadn’t gotten help for it). I feel like it’s pretty well under control most of the time. I know that I should talk about it more–probably even blog about it–because I think that talking about it is the best way to reduce the stigma associated with depression…but I’m a big chicken. So thank you for posting this, because it’s given me a little more courage. Maybe I’ll blog about it someday soon.