I put this first because this is what I have the hardest time with. I don’t like to cook, and I’m a horrible cook. I cop out a lot and often choose the easiest meals, and we eat out more than we should. This year, I made a New Year’s Resolution to cook more. I actually make this resolution EVERY year. Despite my shortcomings in this area, my husband knows that I am trying. We try to sit down at the table for our meals, turn the TV off, and discuss our day. It sounds so simple, but to be honest with you, meals like this were few and far between in my first marriage. A couple weeks before Wyatt’s accident, his mother claimed that he was “so skinny!” and asked, “Is he even eating?” She obviously didn’t mean any offense to me and was clearly more concerned about his overall health, but after that, I swore I would never get to the point in a marriage where my mother-in-law voiced her concerns about her son not eating!
Picking your battles and forgiveness:
My 22nd birthday was 2 weeks before Wyatt passed away. He was on his way home from being out-of-state. When he called to let me know he was boarding his plane, he forgot to mention anything about it being my birthday. Ooh, I let him have it! As soon as I picked him up at the airport that night, he gave me my gift and wished me a happy birthday. That WAS NOT enough for me. He needed to know how upset I was that I was alone on my birthday and he didn’t even have the courtesy to say anything about it over the phone. I ignored him the rest of the night and most of the next day. After he passed away, I found out that he spent hours searching for the “perfect gift” while out of town and was so excited to give it to me. It broke my heart.
Another book I love and refer to often is “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work“ by John M. Gottman. Gottman claims there are two types of maritalconflict: Those that can be resolved and those that are perpetual, which means they will always be a part of your lives. Gottman states, “The basis for coping effectively with either kind of problem is the same: communicating basic acceptance of your partner’s personality. . . I have learned that in all arguments, both solvable and perpetual, no one is ever right.” I think of this principle often, and more times than not, I realize there is usually no concrete resolution. I usually end up apologizing for unwarranted behavior and moving on, but most importantly, I DO NOT HOLD A GRUDGE. It’s not always easy, but when it’s over, it’s over. Guy Time:
Creating a Will/Discussing Belongings and Assets:
If you have children and/or assets, create a Will and start your estate planning. I work part-time for Kesler & Rust Law Firm in Salt Lake City, Utah. If you need a great Estate Planning Attorney or would like to draft a Will, call (801) 532-8000. If you do not have any children or assets, at least discuss what to do with each of your belongings that are significant to you. Are there items your husband wants his mother, father, siblings, or friends to have? Are there journals of any sort? What will you do with those?