Children’s Bedtime Fears

I swear, one of the most exhaustive stages that parents have to tackle is dealing with bedtime fears.  Potty training, sassy mouth, and messy marvins are all issues capable of bringing you to your breaking point.  But, “stages” and “issues” that mess with your sleep…those are the worst.  Moms NEED adequate sleep to re-energize their patience, softness, creativity, multi-tasking skills, brain-power, and stamina.  Woe be unto the child who hath a tired mother.

This past year or so, we’ve had a major case of “scaredy pants” in my house.  I’m about ready to beat the snot out of Shane.  Okay, not really, really…but, he’s ruined many a nights of sleep.  And, it’s not like I get much sleep anyway when I have to pee every 2 hours (thank you, baby-in-my-belly…whom I super love.)  5 night lights isn’t enough for Shane.  Sleeping in the room, right next to mine, packed tight with his 3 other siblings, that’s not enough (why didn’t I just buy a 2 bedroom house??)  Leaving the door open and the hall light on isn’t enough.  “Checking” on him every half hour…not enough.  All of those things HELP, but still…I need something more.  He still manages to be scared out of his mind, come storming down the hall, scare the crap out of Dan and I at 2 in the morning, and then stand by my bed and whimper while I use every ounce of strength to hang on to my compassion and patience.  This nightly ritual has really taken a toll on me and I thank heavens every day that I’m homeschooling so I can get an extra hour of sleep.  I super need it.

So, all this rambling just to tell you that I’ve found a couple things that have helped lately AND I’ve been seriously reading up on “bedtime fears”…hopefully, this will help some of you too!

 (Obviously, every kid will be different.  Some kids might need a minor intervention/trick that will work perfectly.  Others might need every trick in the book…like my Shane!)

Sure, you just bought a cute bed spread and all their “stuff” is in their room.  But, if they feel safer sleeping on brother/sister’s floor…is it really that big of a deal???  Like I said before…I’ve got 4 kids packed into one bedroom because that helps them feel safe.  And, hey…its less rooms that I have to make sure stay clean!  I’m um…31 years old, and I feel safer not sleeping alone too!  I totally understand.

Five night lights might seem like overkill…but, really…if it helps, who cares?  The Mobi GloMates (shown above) are great because they sit right on juniors bed and if they need to get off, they can grab it off the charger and it still lights up…it’s also great for power outages.  AND…it turns off automatically.

I was actually a major scaredy-pants when I was little too…I remember bedtime being the scariest thing ever, ever, ever.  So, I can relate.  And, even though I can be insanely tired and frustrated with the childish fears…there is no sense in being mean (becoming a “monster”).  Kids have active imaginations.  They have a hard time differentiating between real and pretend, so be nice!  Acknowledge their fears, help them vocalize them, and then help them understand reality.  Don’t tell them they are “such a baby” and “being ridiculous”…what does that help??  Really.Don’t Play Along With Their Fears

I know some parents like to use “monster spray” and other methods to keep the monsters away…but, I am pretty hesitant about it…even though a bottle of it would be pretty darn cute.  I want my kids to know that monsters aren’t real.  I will happily check under their beds, in their closets, and under their covers for whatever they may be afraid of…but, I can’t bring myself to validate their fear…even if it brings temporary relief.

Don’t Create Fears To Keep Them In Bed

I’m hoping that’s just common sense.  But, seriously…why create fears when kids already struggle enough?  Telling kids that the boogie man will get them, that an alligator lives under their bed, or that “bad guys” will see them through the windows if they get up…that’s mean.  AND…could lead to some bigger problems….socially and/or emotionally.  We want fears to go away, not be there.

Create Calming & Happy Distractions

What’s really worked the best for us is playing audiobooks for the kids while they fall asleep.  I’m usually to pooped to read endless stories to them.  But, they LOVE listening to audiobooks.  The recently finished “Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing” and can’t wait for me to go back to the library to get another audio book.  Having the books on CD, rather than mp3, is kinda nice because eventually the CD ends…and mp3 will keep going and going until the book is over, usually.  That way I don’t have to listen to faint voices all throughout the night.  I hear enough voices, as it is.  But, listening to these fun novels keeps their mind on happier things and if they’re into it…keeps them still, hopefully still enough to fall asleep.

Besides audio books, music works well too!  Let them listen to calm music (despite their constant plea for Aerosmith and Def Leppard)…think Enya, religious music, or a playlist that you put together.

White noise or constant background noise is a great way to drown out the sounds of the creaky floors, squeaky bed in mom & dad’s room, and the “bad guy” trying to break into the house.

One of Amazon’s top rated products of all time…the Marpac SleepMate.  You won’t find any white noise machine recommended more!


Don’t Let The Kids Watch Scary Shows

As common sense as this is, it’s my hardest one.  Shane is fascinated with cops and loves to see the criminal punks get what’s coming in those reality shows.  I find him curled up on the bed with The Beard Man…both of them enthralled with the madness and I guess I’m a weakling because at least half the time I don’t stop it.  Bad me, bad me, bad me.  But, if it makes me sound any better…I haven’t let him watch The Silence of the Lambs, The Exorcist, or Friday the 13th.  So, as for this tip…working on it.

Keep Them In Their Beds

I don’t care where my kids sleep in the house, as long as it’s not MY room.  The hubs and I promised each other a long time ago that our bed is OUR bed.  Our room is OUR room.  Our time to be together is special to us and benefits our kids more than they know!  Sure, I’ve let the sicky-pants or the scaredy-cat pull up a sleeping bag on my floor…maybe twice a year.  But, it’s not allowed on any sort of frequent basis, ever.  Also, I’m not sleeping in their room…laying by them until they fall asleep…no way…I sleep by my husband, that’s all.  Of all the things I do and provide to help them sleep peacefully, they need to find peace with that.  Maybe I’m mean…hmmm. Anyway, the more the kid sleeps away from mom and dad the sooner they realize that they are okay.  Another option, let them sleep with the dog.

Reward Them

There’s nothing wrong with a little incentive for staying on their bed.  Make them a fun chart that they can put a sticker on in the morning.  Sometimes I think fears can easily transition into bad habits.  When they used to be scared, now they’re not…but, getting off the bed, getting lots of cuddles, sleeping in mommy’s room…who would want to give that up??  Not me.  My kids are almost always motivated with charts.  Be creative!

So, there you have it.  Some expert advice mixed with some crazy rambling mother’s experience and opinion.  Take what you will and be sure to share any of your ideas too because I’m not quite out of the woods, yet.  May we all get some sleep tonight.