Hello! I’m Becky, wife to an amazing husband who keeps me laughing, and mother to two adorable little girls, 3 years-old, and 1-year-old. I enjoy watching my husband cook, playing with my family, girls’ nights out, digital scrap booking, crafting, reading…all the fun stuff that I can’t find enough time for but try to stuff in my life. I have a fun crafting blog, Crafting Chicks, that a few of my friends and I put together. We love to share our fun ideas and let our creative sides show.
Now on to the post…
About a year, I was struggling after having a new baby and a busy 2-year-old. I thought the craziness and stress I was feeling was normal, but I couldn’t understand how other women were able to handle it.
Things progressively got worse. I fought with my husband constantly and didn’t understand why he couldn’t help me. I compared myself to other women all the time and never felt as though I measured up. Every one’s house was always cleaner. Their husbands seemed to love them more. Their children were smarter, better behaved, and dressed cuter than mine. I was able to find all these little things that seem to make everyone else better than me. I was at a breaking point. I was feeling as though I was about to drowned, but felt like I still needed to tread water. I felt as though one more thing would just push me over the edge. I wanted to be that supermom and wonderful wife, but I couldn’t and it was eating me up. It had become all consuming.
One day, I was trying to piece together all of these feelings when something my friend told me came into my head and just about knocked me over. About 2-years ago, she had told me how she struggled with depression. The stories she told of how she felt and what she did seemed all too familiar now. I was going through the same thing. I had Postpartum Depression (PPD) and had been ignoring it thinking that it was normal to feel this way after having a baby. I never imagined that I would have PPD because I didn’t want to harm myself or my child, but I could still see my life spiralling out of control.
I spoke with my husband about this and he agreed that I had not been acting like myself. The poor guy had wanted to talk to me about it, but I am sure he was scared out of his mind to bring it up. The next day I made an appointment with my Dr. and I got some help and I am so glad that I did. I am happy to say that I love life and I don’t care about all those dumb things that use to have me up all night.
Now, why do I tell you this long personal story? A story that I haven’t even shared with a lot of my friends and family? I think it is time to speak out. It seems like mental illnesses, like depression, are such a taboo thing to discuss. Why? Why do we treat it like it isn’t really a sickness like diabetes? That it is just some way of thinking that you can snap out of it, if you want to?
The only reason I knew what I was dealing with in my life was because a dear friend had the courage to talk to me about what was going on in her life. Since my realization, I have tried to speak openly with other friends about this topic and have found that I am not alone. Many of them have had similar issues with depression or even incredible anxiety associated with pregnancy or child birth. Let’s face it ladies, we have all those crazy hormones working against us. Between trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, breastfeeding, and then trying to get back to normal before you do it all again, our poor bodies don’t stand a chance.
So, what can you do if you feel you, or a friend, might be struggling with depression or anxiety?
Talk to someone you trust and someone you know will listen and hear you out. When you are depressed or anxious, what you think is not always rational, so make sure that the person understands that you don’t need a fix, you just need a listening ear.
Write down your feelings. I had one of my close friends write all her feelings and all the things that lead her to feel that way on paper. She felt more validated when she had it all written out and this way she could share her feelings if she wanted to.
You should also make an appointment with your Dr. They are able to help the best and let you know the next steps to take.
I would also recommend exercising, even if it is just a walk by yourself. I joined a gym with a fabulous child center. My girls love it there, and I love the fact that I can go whenever I want and take care of myself. I feel so much better afterward and the girls are able to get out and play.
There are lots of great websites that can help. One of my favorites is Depression Is Real. It has lots of great resources including peer support groups and fact sheets.
There are a lot of wonderful books out there. Here are some that had the best ratings on Amazon… Postpartum Depression Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Overcoming the Most Common Complication after Childbirth
. This author struggled with PPD and has also helped many families overcome PPD. All the reviews said that the book helped a lot and they really liked the fact that the author knew what they were going through.
. This author struggled with PPD and has also helped many families overcome PPD. All the reviews said that the book helped a lot and they really liked the fact that the author knew what they were going through.
Postpartum Depression For Dummies
. I loved reading through the excerpts on this book. It was insightful, yet made me laugh a little too. It has a lot of truth to it and all the reviews said that it was written from all sorts of angles to provide you with information to help in every aspect of life.
. I loved reading through the excerpts on this book. It was insightful, yet made me laugh a little too. It has a lot of truth to it and all the reviews said that it was written from all sorts of angles to provide you with information to help in every aspect of life.
In order for us to take care of others, we have to first take care of ourselves. I don’t mean in a selfish way either. Everyone you love will benefit from a healthier happier you! There is hope! There is a better quality of life!
~ Becky
I struggled with PPD after I had my son, I was embarassed that I was having the issue. Thankfully like you I never felt like hurting him or myself however I thought everyone else was going to hurt him. I finally talked to the doctor about it but they told me that if I could avoid medicine I should. Looking back I should have demanded help or found a new doctor. No one should have to feel like that!
Thanks for sharing your story, more women need to hear it and know that it’s nothing to be ashamed of it happens.
Becky,
Great post! After talking to my friends, I have found that the artifical hormones we put into our bodies (the pill, IUDs) also affect us tremendously. After my third child, I was feeling overwhelmed but thought it was just normal stuff. After several of my friends said they either got their IUDs taken out or went off birth control because they felt like they weren’t enjoying life enough, I decided to also get off the mini-pill. Within a couple weeks, even my husband said, “You are dealing with life so much better.”
Thanks for speaking out!
Nicole Handy
Thanks for posting on such a taboo subject.. It really helps to have other insight on these kinds of things..
I hope you are doing better now..
Liz
Perfect! I’m so glad you thought to share this with everyone!
Thanks so much,
Mariel
Why is this so taboo still? I had PPD in the worst way after the birth of my first child. I had all the risk factors to start with: premature birth, long labor, emergency c-section, the NICU, husband gone, during finals, no family support, pumping every two hours, etc…It was not a good birth experience, and as I got sicker and sicker mentally I didn’t know there was a word for what I had (this was 10 years ago back before Marie Osmond had her breakdown and made it okay to talk about). I would go for days without showering or eating, and I had thoughts of harming my baby, which really scared me. It was the most horrible year of my life, and I didn’t know that I could have gotten medical attention. My husband knew I was sick, but he didn’t know what it was either. What saved me was getting pregnant with my son. It somehow evened out my chemistry again.
I hope that if any woman feels this way that they will seek help. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s not something that will just go away. So glad you are feeling better!
I’ve been blessed not to have to deal with this, but I think it’s a great thing for others to know about to help others in this situation! Thanks!
May I kindly suggest that if any of your readers believe they have this problem, they skip all of the other steps and go straight to the professionals first? I talked my family, friends, and neighbors to death, and none of them understood the condition so none of them had any advice that was of real value. Yes, it’s nice to be loved. But sometimes you need more than, “Hey, your life is good. Try to focus on that.” And that’s all well-meaning amateurs have to offer.
Once you have begun treatment, then by all means, seek out and embrace all the support you can find. Exercise, write, pray, talk – they’re all good things. But the number one thing is GET HELP.
Using your cancer analogy, this is how you’d treat a physical illness. And as you so aptly pointed out, mental illness is no different.
You’re right DeNae. I should have put that first. I think all the others things will help once you know what you are dealing with.
I think I did talk my family and friends to death but none of them caught on. I think just talking openly to others about PPD can help us see if we have a problem or not.
Thanks tons!
I too suffered from PPD. My doctor told me it was all in my head and that I needed more sleep. Unfortunately I believed him. It was a long road to recovery but the support of my family was key. Thank you for sharing your story and getting the word out so others aren’t left isolated and confused.
Thank you for breaking the Taboo! I didn’t have PPD, but I did have severe baby blues for two weeks and two years before I had an immense emotional break down that was linked to my discontinuing birth control (because I was also crazy while on it). It was terrifying. My poor husband is such a good man to have not left me during that time. Hormones are a crazy thing. I was given a Rx to help after that emotional breakdown which stopped the irrational fears and crying, but it was a band-aid on a gaping wound. I didn’t find myself again until I got pregnant. That was a the best day of my marriage! I was me again! I was so terrified I would slip into PPD after the pregnancy and loose my recovery I’d gained. But I was lucky that after two weeks the baby blues subsided. You didn’t do anything wrong if you have PPD or baby blues. It’s your hormones. Have the humility to reach out and ask for help, especially from a caring doctor and surround yourself with a good support group. Wow that comment was a novel. My apologies.
Great post Becky! I’ve sincerely enjoyed discussing this with you in depth. It’s definitely not discussed enough!