Heather here, from FamilyVolley.com, ready to talk about one of the most dreaded milestones in parenting: Toilet training! It can be hard and frustrating and stressful. Some would argue it is a nightmare. Today I offer some tips and tricks to help things go a little more smoothly for you and your little ones. The best place to start? Determine if you child is ready to toilet train in the first place.
Did you know that mothers report that as a child grows older, the lack of toilet training causes progressively greater strains and tensions on family life, and on the mother/child relationship?
Also, when you have older children who are not yet toilet trained, this usually means that there have been past attempts that have failed. Past failures can lead to children who deliberately “go” in their pants to get attention. And when a mother sees that her child has “gone in their pants again” she usually isn’t excited, but instead communicates disappointment to the child, who then starts to feel that they no longer make their parents happy, but instead frustrated. There can be a great deal of baggage in the mother/child relationship if past attempts have failed. If you have experienced a number of unsuccessful attempts at toilet training a child, it is time to consider having another person teach your child (such a their father, grandparent, older sibling, close friend etc.). When we handle toilet training the wrong way, it can lead to having to “mend” a lot of damage, most we don’t even know we are doing until it is too late.
The goal is not just to get children to go in the toilet and not in their pants. The goal is to teach children to go to the bathroom themselves, with the same independence as an adult demonstrates, and without the need for continual assistance and reminders.
Here are some things that parents can do before they toilet train to help get kids ready, as well as how to know if your child is ready to be trained:
First, when your child is very young (12 months +), there are a few things you can start to do.
Have your child learn to help in dressing and undressing him/herself. Especially in pulling their pants up and down. Even though they probably won’t be able to do it alone, encourage them to be a part of the process. For example, begin to teach them how to pull their pants up, once you have helped them get their legs in the holes and put them on.
Teach your children the meaning of the words that you plan on using to train them, and be consistent. Words like wet, dry, sit down, and stand up. Also decide and then start using the words you prefer for the actual poop and pee. For some reason, I can’t stand the word potty. Ugh, just typing it is bad. So that is not a word we use in our house. Will you say potty, pee-pee, some other name? Decide the words you will use and be sure you and your husband and family are on the same page so there is no confusion.
Let your child watch you and other family members use the toilet. While they are watching point out what you are doing. “See I am pulling down my pants, to go to the bathroom.” Let them lower the seat when you are done and flush. Show excitement for their help.
Teach them to follow your instructions. Children very young are able to follow directions. Give your child instructions to do something and do not let the instructions go unfulfilled. Praise them when they follow your directions and don’t let tantrums discourage you.
There are also some simple tests that can help you gauge if your child is ready to be trained. Most children 20 +months, are capable of being toilet trained. Keep in mind though that every child will be different. Three simple tests can help you assess readiness.
Bladder Control
Does your child urinate (go quite a bit) at one time, or is it more dribbling throughout the day?
Does your child ever appear to know he is about to go to the bathroom, facial expressions, gestures, do they pause in what they are doing to go, etc?
Does your child stay dry for a few hours at a time?
If your child does all three, then they have passed the bladder control test. Even if he/she doesn’t do the second one, they might still be ready, not all children will give visible signs that they are about to go.
2. Physical Development
Can your child walk from one room to another with ease and without help or assistance?
Does your child have enough hand coordination to easily pick up objects?
If you answered yes to the above then your child is has enough physical development to be trained.
3. Instructional Readiness
To determine if your child can follow directions and understands, ask them to do the following.
Ask them to sit in a chair
Ask them to touch their nose, eyes, mouth, hair
Ask them to stand up
Ask them to follow you to another room.
Ask them to imitate you (anything will work)
Ask them to bring you a familiar object
Ask them to put that object with another object (will you put your block on the chair).
If they can fulfill most, 5 or 6 of the 7 then they understand direction well enough to be trained.
If you child doesn’t pass the “instruction test”, you will want to work with them before training them. They might just be to young and not have sufficient vocabulary yet. You can teach that to them very quickly.
If they are older, and/or they have sufficient vocabulary, then it could be that they are just being stubborn. If you know that they understand what you have said, but still refuse to carry out your instructions, deal with the stubbornness first, before you train them.
How then do you teach a stubborn child to follow instructions? Some tips…
Give instructions only when you are next to the child. Not from another room or upstairs.
Make sure you have the child’s attention before you give instruction. Secure eye contact and get down on their level.
Provide gentle manual guidance within one or two seconds after an instruction is given if the child does not start to follow the instructions on their own. Help them do what you asked and/or lead them to do what has been asked.
Get excited and praise praise praise when they follow instructions.
Don’t give more instruction until the first instruction is completed.
Don’t let a temper tantrum stop you from working with your child. Stick with it and be sure the instruction is followed out.
Use these rules as you go about your everyday tasks, simple things, like asking them to pick up a toy, putting their shoes in a certain place, using their forks instead of their hands, etc…
When you feel they are following instructions give them the readiness test again. If they pass, then consider them ready to toilet train.
Following these tips will make the toilet training process much easier. Promise!!!
Images via Google and thisoldhouse.com and shadowboxcreative.com.
NEED MORE POTTY TRAINING TIPS?? Check out these posts!
