I am Reb (Becca) and I am thrilled to write about something close to my heart today. Thank you Mariel and Jessica for asking. I LOVE your site and am excited to contribute to it.
I am a mother of four boys, ages 9 to 2, and have a most wonderful soul mate, Jeb. Four boys, no girls and no plans to have the last one be a girl. Thank you for asking. There is only so much insanity one mother can handle. I love being my children’s mother. It’s not always sunshine and lollipops, but life never is. I am also in love/obsessed with photography have started a photog business in the process.
So, let’s chat about the social taboo, ADHD…
I call it a social taboo because I know how I used to view “those kids” until I had one of “those kids.” Those kids are ENERGETIC, FEARLESS, and IMPULSIVE. Worst of all, their parents must not do anything to control them. My oldest son Gavin, 9 years old, is all of those things. He also suffers from ADHD and we have suffered right along with him. I was never one of those parents whom wanted to drug my kid because they had behavioral issues. I mean, what kind of crappy parent can’t handle their kid? I took a good, HARD look in the mirror and saw myself. I was frustrated, confused, and feeling like that crappy parent. Yet, I didn’t eat any hemp brownies in college.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a brain disorder that affects anyone, male or female, young and old. I chose the waffle button below because that pretty much sums up ADHD. It is the inability to get to point B from point A. You HAVE to visit all the other letters first, TWICE, before arriving at point B purely by accident. Here are things to look for if you suspect you or your child has ADHD.
What I have learned: (eh hum)
- It often goes untreated. Every child whom cannot sit still or cannot pay attention does not have ADHD. But did you know as many as half of the kids with ADHD have either not been diagnosed or were not being treated properly? So what, you say? Failure to identify ADHD can launch the problem to the moon. Children who struggle through school untreated often have significant academic problems and severe self-esteem issues. Kids who are not treated and move into adolescence are at an increased risk for substance abuse, antisocial behavior, depression, and anxiety disorders. AFRAID YET? I was.
- ADHD is a disorder that belongs to the Soft Sciences of Psychology. It is difficult to diagnose. So it is all trial and error. There isn’t a “blood test” or physical screening that says, “You have it and you have it BAD.”
- It affects both genders. However, it is more apparent in boys than in girls. Girls tend to exhibit symptoms by spending more time daydreaming or chatting. They also fall into the inattentive rather than the Impulsive-Hyperactive Freak category.
- To medicate or not to medicate, that is the question? I am mixed on it. I had a friend whose three boys clearly had ADHD. My friend chose not to medicate and instead treated it with a strict diet. Their kids were still extreme in every way and I would say in short, the diet didn’t work.
My son, once he took his meds, it was like night and day. We have been tweaking his dosage for 1.5 years. Some “experts” will say to dope them up to your child’s threshold and then take them down a few steps. WE CHOSE NOT TO DO THAT. He acted doped up, his personality disappeared and I HATED IT. I cried my eyes out at the loss of a powerful and vibrant kid. So we give him the absolute minimum and still see results. And he is still super awesome without acting like a zombie. Another word about the street drugs my child is taking to treat his symptoms, if he DID NOT HAVE ADHD, the amphetamine would have the opposite effect on him and cause him to be even more hyper and less attentive.
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You MUST USE TEAMWORK with your doctor and your child’s teachers. Have a plan. We are not ashamed of our son. His teachers know his attention issues. They are extremely communicative about his behavior and progress in class. They also appreciate that we are treating him for his condition instead of leaving it in the hands of “his teachers” to deal with him. It isn’t their problem. I do not want his teachers spending all their time on him and taking away from other students. No one resents him or me and I feel like we are all on the same team. He also gets organizational and behavioral therapy at school. Medicine isn’t the only answer. “Medication increases children’s attention, but once you’ve got their attention, you have to teach them how to behave.” Dr. Resnick, Ph.D. psych professor at Randolph-Macon College, VA. We also meat with his Doctor every six months to reevaluate Gavin’s treatment and see how he is doing.
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The downside, Gavin has lost his appetite and is not gaining weight as he grows. He is one skinny kid. He is already a picky eater, but combine that with not having an appetite, he is skin and bones.
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This is a lifelong issue. Some children outgrow their symptoms. But 40 to 80 percent continue to have symptoms into adolescence and more than 50 percent into adulthood. Although as an adult, hyperactivity diminishes whereas inattention increases. It has also been shown to be genetic. So if your parents had it, you may have it or are a carrier for it to your offspring. Congratulations. And great news for me, parents of children with ADHD are 24 times more likely to have the condition than parents of non-ADHD kids. Jeb always suspected, now it is confirmed. I am not, however, popping pills like they do on Desperate Housewives, YET.
Most importantly friends, don’t live in a state of denial like I did. When the teachers and the school Ph.D. read the writing on the wall, I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders but that I had been kicked in the stomach at the same time. I didn’t want him taking street drugs but I didn’t want him growing up with a world where everything he did, he couldn’t control and was yelled at for it.
I hope through my experience, you can understand your child better. This is what has worked for me. My experience is not the same as other parents facing brilliant, overly hyper, socially immature children.
Remember, it isn’t the end of the world. My home is 1000 percent more calm, peaceful, happier, and sane now that we have taken this step to address Gavin’s ADHD. What’s more, he is so much happier. He has self esteem coming out the wazoo and his grades are great! Not perfect, but great.
For more on my personal journey with ADHD and Gavin, read it here.
Apply today, to my newsletter, I send out info I find on healtcare and general life questions. If you have any questions regarding the content of this post or ADHD, feel free to email me at [email protected]. Family pictures by William Brawn Photography.
References for this entry are found at Parents (dot) com, The Latest News on ADHD
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Thank you so much for posting this. I feel like you are writing the words straight from my brain. My daughter was diagnosed ADHD in first grade after having a long career teacher worked with her for a few months.
We do medicate her but like you we chose to slowly up her dosage as her needs change. The first med they put her on had her weeping in a corner on minute and staring at the wall the next. I was not okay with that. I was so worried about putting her on a medication but now that she is I know why it is better for her. She’s much happier with it and has even learned her ticks so she can tell us when she thinks she needs to see the doctor to talk about a new dose.
She gets it honest too because my husband was diagnosed as a child also and until we heard ADHD with Ellie I had no idea it was passed on. Thank you again for your post. XOXO
I was diagnosed with ADD in college & in the process of having my daughter tested.
It’s so wonderful to have you write this artical. I have struggled my whole life with ADHD and only recently have I come to terms with it. My parents were in denial and so was I. Now I am raising 4 children and 2 of them show all the signs. It’s been tough to say the least. I just can’t do one more day of crazy for me or my kids. I just set the appointments last week. Living 36 years like this is long enough!! I don’t want my kids to suffer like I have. Thank you, Thank you Thank you!!
Cheers!
Tina
Thank you, my favorite “Reb”! You always have such great insight, come back to share more posts any time!
I have strong feelings about this because my oldest was diagnosed two years ago with ADHD and we had a heck of a time trying to find the right medication to help her. I was uneasy with the side effects period and researched alternatives. We found Dr. Hammond at the U of U who does Neuro Bio-Feeback. It was a lot of money and our health insurance didn’t cover it but the affects have been nothing short of a miracle. She will never have to be on medication and her symptoms are gone. She is excelling in school and life in general.
Thanks everyone for your comments and feeback. Mariel, you are my favorite Mariel as well! Kari, I am interested in your bio-feedback treatment. I will be in touch. I am almost positive I have AADD (Adult version). Here’s to having an overactive mind!
Thank you for the post! I have wondered wether my daughter has add, and it was good to read your thoughts… thanks!
My 9 1/2 yo son had ADHD, and has been diagnosed since 3.9yo. Too bad there isn’t a blood test, that would make things much easier. My son is on meds and it is night and day difference. We have the right dose and then he grows or a side effect pops up, it is quite the process to get it correct (and to continue it being correct), but well worth the time and effort. He also is a skinny minny – so we let him have as much fatty dessert as he would like after he has eaten a healthy dinner. Thanks for the article
My daughter has ADHD. Anyway, I loved the waffle button.
Having ADHD is a challenge not only in terms of learning but also in your social life. Some people might view it differently but I don’t think of it that way, I think that ADHD is a challenge that one can overcome.