Hello! My name is Kate and I have a blog over at http://www.courtandkate.blogspot.com/ if you wanna check it out. Nothin’ special, just an outlet for my occasional creativity and snarkiness, and a place to record the hilarious things my two little chicks say. Muchas gracias (uh, I don’t really speak Spanish) to Mariel and Jessica for inviting me to bring a little of my word vomit over here. Don’t they have a great blog?
Here’s the story. I am a thirty-ish wife, mother, hair stylist, friend, sister, daughter, neighbor, human. But deep under all of those labels I’m just me. I find it hard to describe myself without all of those labels, but here I am–a little different, a little crazy, but working it out!
Are you in there somewhere?
Just last week I was at the gym. I don’t look like this at the gym. Do you? I’m a little chunkier and a lot sweatier and a lot less color coordinated. Anyway.
I was at the gym. I am just beginning to prepare to run a Ragnar Relay in February. Holy scary! But too late, I’m on a team, I’ve paid my money, and here we go! So I was on the treadmill. Running, feeling good, watching all the muscle-heads (ah I love those guys, so entertaining) and miraculously alive and well after a couple of miles (I’m so not a natural runner). All of the sudden this amazing song comes on my ipod. I’m still running and feeling awesome, and then I’m bawling.
I was having a moment. At the gym. And here’s why:
The song on my ipod transported me back to the year 1996. Not like it was an amazing year, really. Pretty average. I was out of high school and a single girl with a job. What was amazing about that year was that I was just Kate. Young Kate, (thin Kate!), Kate who had been through some crap, but Kate who had the whole world in front of her, Kate who wasn’t in charge of anyone else but Kate, Kate who wasn’t anybody’s mom or wife, or even hair stylist (it’s a lot of responsibility!) I was a 19 year old who had interests and hobbies and things I did just for my own delicious, selfish, single-girl-with-little-real-responsibility benefit. And really truly, it wasn’t an incredible year. But looking back it was the last time I was able to just be me without the complications of the rest of my adult life.
So back to the gym. I’m running. I’m listening to Alanis Morissette (yeah, totally) and I’m running and I’m bawling and I’m remembering who I am. And I felt awesome.
Think about it. Have you lost yourself in all of the labels that you currently wear? Are you a mom? An aunt? A best friend? Are you the boss? The employee? The student? President of this or secretary of that? When someone asks you, “tell me about yourself” do you start listing all your labels? It’s hard not to, right?!
Now think about something that’s going to help you remember who you are. For me the quickest way to find myself in all the stuff I have going on and all the hats I’m wearing and jobs I’m juggling is to get out some music from the “Kate” period of my life. For you, maybe it’s doing something you used to do but stopped the second you fell in love or graduated from college and shifted your time and priorities elsewhere. Maybe it’s a sport you used to play, maybe it’s the poetry you used to write in the middle of the night or the books you used to read, maybe it’s the art you used to create, maybe it’s the way you used to like to get in your car all by yourself and drive and drive, maybe it’s the way you used to like to lie on your bedroom floor and think about nothing or spend 20 minutes sitting cross-legged on your bathroom vanity plucking your eyebrows and listening to the radio. Do something to find yourself in there somewhere. (Take a ridiculously fun trip with your 2 best girlfriends—shout out to mine!) I promise, the dishes, the kids, the homework, the work work, the phone calls, the e-mails will all wait while you have your own moment.
Finding myself at the gym last week was so rejuvenating! Perhaps it was the combination of awesome music and physical exertion. Perhaps I haven’t been getting enough blood flow to the brain lately. I think it was the whole and total focus on myself, feeling really present in my own body and really present in my own mind all at the same time. That was what created my moment. So I finished my workout and picked my kids up from the playroom, and I was back to Kate, the mom, for the rest of the day but I was able to do it with much more energy than I’d had before. And I think Kate is someone my kids would like hanging out with more often. I mean, I’m a good mom, but I’m a freakin’ awesome Kate.
Are you in there somewhere? I know you are! And I bet you’re pretty cool. So take a little minute right now and remember who you are.
Or as Alanis Morissette said to me at the gym: Wake Up!
🙂 Kate
I’ve lost myself to labels and to chronic disease. When I do something that reminds me of the woman I once was, like if I do some walking or yoga (I don’t often) I cry and cry….it’s very hard. Some days I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the woman I’ve become. Other days my life is overflowing with joy and happiness that are a direct result of my labels – wife, mother, friend, etc. Its a delicate balance, I know I’m in here somewhere.
Aww…Kate! You are so sweet, I think I like you. 🙂
I love your post, your experience, and your thoughts on this subject. It really is so important for women to maintain a sense of identity. Doesn’t it seem like everything in life is a balancing act? It can really wear you out!
My favorite thing (that I should do more than I do) is when I get up earlier than all my kids and just relax. It’s one of the few times of the day where I can exercise, work in the yard, play on the computer, read a book, use my brain!!, etc. It’s so nice and refreshing to start a day like that BEFORE the kids wake up. I notice when we all get up around the same time I feel frazzled. Too much to do all at once!
Great post, girl! Thanks!
LOVE it. Thanks, Kate!
I too have lost myself in the same labels of mom, wife, daughter, sister and hairstylist. I really have no idea who i am anymore other than those lablels and i miss who i use to be. You have just reminded me that i really need to reconnect with the old me and hopefully it will help me be a better me now! Thanks
Amen!!! I laughed hard at the “I’m a good mom, but I’m a freakin’ awesome Kate.” So true.
This is such a very Kate post. Thanks! I rather enjoyed it. And I agree with all of the sentiments above – it took me until about 2 years ago to re-emerge from the pile of labels. Being in my 30’s is a good thing. I finally feel comfortable just being in my own skin.
Thank you so much for your word vomit, I almost felt like you were in my brain! I too get lost in my labels. I was asked to list my hobbies the other day at church, and it was horrible how long I had to pause. Hobbies, what hobbies? Do three little wild boys count? I think I will give myself permission to rediscover my old self!
Kate- you’re awesome! Thanks for this post! I think we women get too caught up in pleasing everyone else, and we forget about ourselves. Great reminder to take time for ourselves! Thanks chica!
great post! i’m still hoping to discover myself again. i keep saying.. when i’m done having kids. I need to buck up and do it NOW!
Kate everything you said is so true. It’s so easy to lose yourself when you become wife and mother. (and teacher 🙂 ) Thanks for the wonderful reminder, and I hope to see you write here again! You are amazing!
Brilliant thoughts. Now I need to figure out ME…where is me?
Kate, you rock.
Awesome, Kate.
Can I get a resounding “amen” from all the women in the world? Oh, I think I just heard it.
So Kate happens to be one of my most favorite people in the world, and I just want to confirm to y’all here and now that she is indeed the freakin’ awesomest Kate I know. And wow! This post is incredible and exactly what I needed to hear right now. I know I’m in here somewhere…time to shuffle things around and see if I can find where I put myself. 🙂 Thanks for reminding me.
Please invite her back to your blog in the future. She is a total crack up!
Kate – how did you get so darn smart and such perspective??? lol.
now could you come out here and personally mentor me so ME can come out again, lol. these darn labels seem to consume all too much of “me”. sigh.
I know Kate as a sister and a friend and as creative and fun. Loved the post, it reminds me that I used to be just me, does that make sense?
You are an awesome Kate!! I love your guts and am truly grateful for your friendship, your late-night paper editing, your ability to be a total bad-ass, all while having the best hair in the room. Love you, thanks for the shout-out sistah!
Did anyone else cry? Or is it just because she’s my sister. Loved the post Kate, and love you.
oh hun, i love you! you ARE a freakin’ awesome kate! i love that i’ve been able to hang with you and feel a bit cooler when we do 🙂 thanks so much for the reminder to not get lost in life.
I always feel like my comment has to be as witty and thoughtful as the post ….. I don’t think I can do it for this one!
Kate you are an amazing person who has kept me thinking about my life ever since I read this fabulous post. Thank you for this “word vomit” (love it) and for reminding all of us that we can come first in our own lives – LOVE YOU!
I am in great need of one of these moments right now. I need to go find that time, you’re right, it’s the only way to regain some sanity.
I LOVE this post! because not only do I get lost in labels also but I get the “guilty” feeling when I don’t feel I am the labels I SHOULD be (like, mom-of-many; stay-at-home mom; awesome homemaker; excellent cook; conscientious wife; sensitive caregiver…) Those are the labels I know make a huge difference in a family and what I am striving for but I don’t always live up to.
But I live up to other things (loving-mom-of-awesome-2-year-old; pretty-good-wife; HR-generalist-and-basic-crazy-lady-around-the-office; etc.) I really find “myself” when I hear a great song and when I catch up with old friends from when I was the [real?] me. It’s funny, too, how I like to get lost in my labels and then go back to my real self, and bounce back and forth. It makes me appreciate both sides of life.