Cooking:
I put this first because this is what I have the hardest time with. I don’t like to cook, and I’m a horrible cook. I cop out a lot and often choose the easiest meals, and we eat out more than we should. This year, I made a New Year’s Resolution to cook more. I actually make this resolution EVERY year. Despite my shortcomings in this area, my husband knows that I am trying. We try to sit down at the table for our meals, turn the TV off, and discuss our day. It sounds so simple, but to be honest with you, meals like this were few and far between in my first marriage. A couple weeks before Wyatt’s accident, his mother claimed that he was “so skinny!” and asked, “Is he even eating?” She obviously didn’t mean any offense to me and was clearly more concerned about his overall health, but after that, I swore I would never get to the point in a marriage where my mother-in-law voiced her concerns about her son not eating!
Picking your battles and forgiveness:
Another book I love and refer to often is “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman. Gottman claims there are two types of marital conflict: Those that can be resolved and those that are perpetual, which means they will always be a part of your lives. Gottman states, “The basis for coping effectively with either kind of problem is the same: communicating basic acceptance of your partner’s personality. . . I have learned that in all arguments, both solvable and perpetual, no one is ever right.” I think of this principle often, and more times than not, I realize there is usually no concrete resolution. I usually end up apologizing for unwarranted behavior and moving on, but most importantly, I DO NOT HOLD A GRUDGE. It’s not always easy, but when it’s over, it’s over.
Guy Time:
Sex:
Life Insurance:
Funeral/Gravesite arrangements:
Creating a Will/Discussing Belongings and Assets:
I love this post, and I can relate to it in so many ways. The information that you are providing people here with is so valuable and so important. Many people if not all of us are oftentimes incapable or believe we are incapable of dealing with situations like these. The loss of a loved one is so difficult to deal with, and I have gone through that before.
Reading how you say you used to ‘neglect’ your husband in so many different ways really hits the spot, as I am often like that with my husband, and many times I have questioned and asked myself if I would think differently if something like that (God forbids, losing him) happened to me, and I change my ways…but then my attitude comes back sometimes, and it becomes a “pull and push” where I have all these mixed feelings of entitlement or selfishness and I just don’t feel like he deserves something at that moment, but then I feel bad.
I love my husband with all my heart and he means the world to me, and he is such a sweet person, which makes me feel bad for not wanting to cook for him sometimes, even though it happens rarely because I do love cooking for him. Or how sometimes I am not in the ‘mood’ and I don’t feel like having sex with him. Your post is very eye opening and I think I should come back here when I feel this way to read this to make me re-think my behavior, and appreciate everyone in my life ALL the time, – not just sometimes.
I really appreciate your post, it is wonderful, loving, moving, eye opening helpful and brilliant. Thank you!
This is a wonderful article! I think we too often find fault in the ones we are close to. We (or maybe just I) need to work harder to recognize and REMEMBER the good things that they do. Thank you for this reminder!
This is definitely one of those topics that is just easier to avoid. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life it is that we are fragile, we die, and we are not exempt from experiencing death in this life.
This is a VERY inspiring post, a great reminder to be more thankful for our loved ones. I’m going to start trying harder to “step it up” for my husband and those I love…because they mean the world to me! Thank you!
Hey Ashley this was such a good post! I’ve read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, but I think I need to read it again after reading this post. This post definitely inspired me to try harder to be a better wife and have a different perspective on things. I think I need to read this post once a week so I can keep the right perspective.
great great post!! thanks for sharing such personal details with us! this really was so helpful!!
I couldn’t agree more. Although I am in my second marriage, my first husband didn’t die, we divorced and I learned so much from losing someone in that way. I do not advocate divorce, however I have made the best of it and I know it has made me a better wife. Great post and I am sorry for your loss.
What a great post! It really helps me realize the importance of showing our loved ones how much they mean to us while we are here. Thank you.
Great post! I enjoyed reading it. Great insights!
This post is downright amazing. I linked up to it on my blog (http://inspiration.storyladyblog.com) -hope you don’t mind. I really appreciate your insights. Very well put!
This was a great blog entry. I myself ‘walk through the valley of the shadow of death” at 37 but was fortunate to return home. It changed my life & I have never been the same. People are so afraid to face their own mortality ,but so was I until I did. Get these things in order people, its so important.
Thanks for the post! I’m grateful for the reminder. I’ll definitely try to do better. Thanks again!
This was an amazing post and I am so happy you talked about several subjects that never really get talked about. My husband has no idea I do this, but every time he walks out the door to go somewhere I look at him for a little longer than usual just to “take him in” in case it’s ever the last time I see him. Thank you for this post, I too have things I need to work on and this was a push in the right direction 😉
Thank you so much for this wonderful post! I need to work on a lot of these things.
This is an amazing post that really touched my heart. It is a message that we all need to hear or at leats be reminded of.
Thank you.
Well…can I ever relate. Although my former husband did not pass away after a massive stroke in Dec.’06…It was much like what you describe. Alot of what ifs…could-a should-a would-a’s too. And, honestly it would have easier for everyone, mostly Dean if he would has been able to pass on. He now lives in a group home with aging patients.
But, so true that these experiences give us perspective that is not gained any other way. Hopefully, changes made for the better!
I love this post. Such a great reminder to appreciate my husband and value every day with him. Thanks for all the specific ways I can enjoy him more.
Awesome Post! I am so sorry for your loss but so amazed at your willingness to share the faults you found in yourself during your first marriage. I, too, love Dr. Laura’s book and think too many women dismiss it completely when those simple principles are the best way to keep a marriage happy. Thank you!
My hubby asked me to read this book, and I grudgingly did. I LOVE it!! I actually give it to couples for wedding gifts now. Great post!
Great post Ashley! You are very wise. I appreciate your insights. Thanks!
Thank you for this post Ashley! It is very insightful and makes me see that sometimes I slack in areas of my marriage that I shouldn’t.
Thank you for sharing your story and insight. Thank you for the encouragement to plan ahead, just in case one of those things we don’t like to talk about happens, and for the great reminder to not take our families for granted.
Great advice. Something we never want to think about, but, death is the one thing we all have in common, it will come to us all in one way or another. Thank you for your openness and honesty in discussing this topic.