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June 16, 2012 by Mariel

The Influence of a Father ~ My Thoughts

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This past week, I’ve been preparing for a talk I have to give at church tomorrow, Father’s Day.  My father and the father of my children/husband are both very important to me, so I’ve been trying to sort this talk out in a way that does them justice…without being a bawl-baby the whole time.  While pondering and studying the topic of fatherhood, it really struck me how extremely influential a father is.  For better or for worse, they have a powerful effect on their children.

Check out some of these stats:

63% of teen suicides come from fatherless homes. That’s 5 times the national average.
SOURCE: U.S. Dept of Health

90% of all runaways and homeless children are from fatherless homes. That’s 32 times the national average.
SOURCE: Justice and Behavior

85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes. 20 times the national average.
SOURCE: Center for Disease Control

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 9 times the national average.
SOURCE: National Principals Association Report

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. 10 times the national average.
SOURCE: Rainbow’s for all God’s Children

85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes. 20 times the national average.
SOURCE: U.S. Dept. of Justice


Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

91% of 701 fathers surveyed by the University of Texas at Austin agreed that there is a “father-absence crisis in America.” What were the 4 major obstacles for fathers to overcome? 1) Work demands 2) The media 3) Pop Culture 4) Finances

Researchers of Columbia University found that children living in two-parent households with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Moreover, teens in single-mother households fared much worse. They had a 30% higher risk than those in all two-parent households.

“Without two parents, working together as a team, the child has more difficulty learning the combination of empathy, reciprocity, fairness and self-command that people ordinarily take for granted. If the child does not learn this at home, society will have to manage his behavior in some other way. He may have to be rehabilitated, incarcerated, or otherwise restrained. In this case, prisons will substitute for parents.”
SOURCE: Morse, Jennifer Roback. “Parents or Prisons.” Policy Review, 2003

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.
SOURCE: Journal of Marriage and Family, 1994

Those are some significant figures!  That’s not even figuring children raised in homes where their father is there, but emotionally unavailable, which is also quite hurtful.  When you realize the possible damage done by an absent father, think of the other end of the spectrum…the benefits of a present father, physically and emotionally present.  They are probably bigger than we even realize!

If there is ANYTHING that we can do to build up, praise, assist, encourage, and love the fathers of this world, I say ‘heck ya!’  They have a big job.  They hold a lot of power in their hands, and we need them to be bringing their A-game.

Have you seen that movie called Courageous??  I was a little hesitant to watch it, fearing corniness and bad acting.  But, I was so impressed by it.  True, it’s not going to win acting awards, and you might roll your eyes a couple times, but this was by far one of the neatest movies I’ve seen in a while.  It really made me think about the importance of fathers and how I should find ways to be more supportive and appreciative of the men in my life, who are embracing their role of a father.

Here’s my favorite part of the movie:

I recently asked my readers on Facebook to share with me how their father has influenced them.  Reading them was just another testimony to me of the importance of fathers.

Here are some of their thoughts:

Megan ~ My father taught me how to expect my husband to treat me. He took all of us girls on lots of daddy/daughter dates and he would always do things like open the car door, seat us at restaurants, and stuff like that. Plus he was always spoiling my mom with flowers and attention. I learned a lot from him, and I have an incredible, loving, thoughtful, amazing husband because of it! 🙂
Shakeela ~ He taught me to stand up for myself. We’ve been through alot together. He taught me love, and self discipline. How i should be treated by a man, and how to not let others run over me in life! How to work for what i have, and to budget money for when something comes up!
Lori ~ Unconditional love…I knew at times he may have been disappointed in my choices or actions but I ALWAYS knew he still loved me…actually still loves me; now from the sweet texts and calls I get randomly from him especially since we live far apart in miles.
Csilla ~ He thought me to fight for my self (by fighting him most of the time). 🙂 And to respect people older than me. And my mother thought me everything else. 🙂
Dan ~ My Dad was a great example of service. He absolutely LOVED helping people. I remember carrying shingles as he nailed them onto roofs, I remember riding on the fender of the tractor for endless hours in the spring as he plowed and disked gardens for lots of friends and neighbors, and a myriad of other things. I remember so many people offering him money and him turning it down. We weren’t well off by any stretch of the imagination either – he just LOVED helping people out. What a great example to grow up with.
Keith ~ Integrity. Caring about others. And how to catch trout!
Janelle ~ Just being there. Being that strong presence in the home and not being afraid, because I knew he was there. I feel the same way about my husband, now. We all sleep better at night knowing he is there. But when he is away, we know we have to rely on HIM (our Heavenly Father) to be there, and help us to get a good night’s sleep.
Mark ~ I learned, no matter what, you always stand up for yourself and never back down. I also learned how to not live my life, based on the mistakes he made..which were many and very severe.
Kara ~ Man what’s up with you and Dan always having to speak on holidays?! My Dad has taught me to always have a smile on my face and be friendly to everyone. I get my outgoing personality from him:)
Sarah ~ My Dad gives and has given everything he can to the church. I’ve learned a lot about sacrifice from him. Both in time (sometimes away from family, which I know can’t be fun) and service. He’s taught me to have faith and be obedient, even though we may not understand why or doubt whether the activity/plan/guidance was well thought out. He just supports what he is asked to do because he is asked to do it, and in the end, for him, that means supporting the prophet and the church.
Sherrie ~ His kind-hearted nature. He taught me to always keep the peace and forgive no matter what. And he taught me how to play sports. It’s something I will always cherish.
Ann ~ Not very upbeat, but he taught me the kind of parent I don’t want to be.
Pollee ~ My father has taught me compassion and unconditional love. He is an amazing man who would help anyone with anything, especially family. He also loves everyone, and children seem to be drawn to him. He is so gentle and kind.
Aimee ~ My father was very abusive while I was young. He taught me that its never too late to change, never too late to repent, and never too late to apologize. Now we have an incredible relationship. I ♥ my dad!!

Lastly, I wanted to share with you one last video that was really touching to me…a true account of a garbage man and father who has given all he can to his family, and more.  To me, he is the epitome of success.

This Father’s Day weekend, I encourage YOU to think of how your father has positively influenced your life, and if you can, give him a big, fat hug!





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Mariel (mahr-eeee-elle) is a mother of 7 kiddos, finish carpenter's wife, and FAMILY enthusiast. Created in 2009, 'Or so she says...' is all about ideas for the family. We like to say we have the MOTHER lode of ideas! Enjoy!! (Oh, and we would love to have you join us on social media, as well... @orsoshesays) See ya around!

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