Veronica is sharing some ideas for showing love to those without children this Mother’s Day.
I wanted to share an extra post this month, because Mother’s Day, as a woman without children, is a topic that is very close to my heart. This post is for everyone. Not just those who aren’t mothers, but for anyone who knows someone who fits in that category. Which, I believe is just about all of us.
Although I’m the mother of 9, what many people don’t know is that I struggled with infertility for many years. I physically had my first child when I was 38 years old. Needless to say, I experienced many hard and painful Mother’s Days.
I thought it might be helpful to give you a glimpse into the life of one who ISN’T a mother. There are many reasons some women aren’t mothers. I’m coming from the perspective of infertility, but I think many things could apply to other situations. After you read this, hopefully you’ll be reminded of how painful Mother’s Day can be for so many.
WHEN YOU WOULD LOVE TO BE A MOM, BUT AREN’T:
- There’s a part of you that sometimes feels broken, like somehow you don’t fit anywhere.
- There’s a part of you that never feels completely whole, (unless of course you’ve made the decision to not have any children).
- You sometimes wonder how you can possibly fill your divine role as a mother.
- Your heart hurts…and sometimes it hurts often. And it’s a pain that is unlike any other. There are times the pain is consuming that it literally makes it hard to breathe.
- You sometimes fake a smile in situations where you want to fall apart. You see those around you have babies, and you celebrate with them, but inside you have moments of heartbreak while you ask the question, “WHY?”
- You learn to grasp to hope. You make the decision over and over to trust and have faith. …and then you fall apart and you start all over again.
- You have many moments when you do well, and many moments when you don’t. It’s a roller-coaster of emotions, but not the fun kind of roller-coaster.
- You sometimes think you are alone. Mainly because it’s personal, and no one else can endure it for you.
- You are always thinking about this. You are counting days, you are taking medication, you are freakishly aware of your cycle, you buy pregnancy tests with a mixture of hope and dread, your intimacy becomes regulated to your cycle, you are stressed…and tired, you are hopeless…and hopeful, you hurt…and then you are numb, you are weak…and strong, you can’t fix it…or you would, you need to be loved…but you need your space, you need people to be aware of you…but you don’t always want to talk about it.
- Instead of loving Mother’s Day, you want to avoid it. It’s a painful reminder of what you are missing.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP? ESPECIALLY ON MOTHER’S DAY?
- Write a note of love to just let them know you are aware of them.
- Thank them for their mother’s heart and express how it is a blessing to you or to others.
- Express the ways they influence the lives of others.
- Give a small token of love or something that encourages hope. A friend once gave me a picture of the Savior with a scripture. It was exactly what I needed at that moment and gave my hope a boost.
- Pray for them. There is great power in prayer, especially when we pray for others. I know Heavenly Father is lovingly aware of these situations, so I always pray that they will have the strength to endure.
- Hug them. One Mother’s Day after church a friend of mine came and grabbed me, hugged me and all she said was, “I know your heart is hurting today. I just wanted you to know I loved you.” She held me tight and didn’t let go for about a minute. I can’t describe the strength I gained from that hug. I still remember it to this day.
- Listen. Sometimes, this is the best medicine. Ask, “How are you doing?” No matter what the response is, you can respond with love. If they don’t want to talk about it, just respond with, “Just know that I care and I’m here if you ever want or need to talk.”
- You can share an uplifting talk, message or quote. I clung to these during my lowest points. I just needed to be reminded that there was a reason I was going through it and that God knew the plan for my life so much better than I did.
- If they are influential in the lives of your children, take a picture of them together, frame it and have your kids write a sweet little note.
- Have them over for a meal. Spoil them. Love on them. Help them feel valued.
The list of ideas could go on and on. Be aware of them. Be willing to make an effort to reach out. Get to know them, so you will understand how this struggle is affecting them. You will then be in the position to know how to help.
Most importantly, approach Mother’s Day with a tender heart. Be aware that it’s not a happy day for many. Some have never been able to become mothers. Some have lost their children. Some have never had the opportunity to marry. Some have given children up through adoption. What a different holiday it would be if we remembered ALL women, regardless of circumstance. We all have a mother’s heart. We all love, give and nurture in our own way. It’s what we were created to do.
I’m grateful for those who reached out to me during those very painful years of sitting through Mother’s Day with a broken heart. I’m also grateful for those now who help “mother” my children in powerful ways.
I’m including these cards that you can easily print out and give to those who need to feel loved this Mother’s Day. You don’t need to do anything big. Sometimes we make the greatest difference when we do small things.
Download and print here.
Download and print here.
Download and print here.
I hope we can take the challenge to make it a good Mother’s Day for ALL. Take a minute and think about who you know who might need some extra love on Mother’s Day. A teacher, a friend, a family member, or maybe someone you don’t even know that well. Remember, you don’t have to do anything big. I promise, even the smallest gesture will make a huge difference.
Happy Mother’s Day to us ALL. How wonderful to have a day to celebrate our divine nature. We were created to nurture, to protect, to teach, to guide, to inspire, to correct and to LOVE. To those who are childless, this is YOU as well. The greatest thing is that ALL women can do these things. To those who struggle on Mother’s Day, my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are and there is nothing harder. There are so many who love you, who are aware of you and who care. Hang in there!!
For more Mother’s Day posts, check these out: