Hey all, it’s Becky here again from Bite of Delight.
Choose Happy! Choose Joy! We’ve all seen the cute signs and printables and quotes all over the internet. It’s great 2-second inspiration for the day, a great reminder that we are in charge of our own happiness, so make the most of it! After all, men are that they might have joy, right? We are supposed to be happy in this life!
But what happens when you just…can’t? When something in your life is so hard that it’s already made that choice for you. And it didn’t choose joy.
I recently experienced something challenging in my life. It changed my outlook and demeanor. And it was hard. We all know the saying, “When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” And it’s true. I wasn’t a very nice mom or wife or friend. Part of the trouble was that I felt stuck…I don’t suffer from clinical depression, but seeing the “Choose Joy” images every time I got online was discouraging. I had thoughts like If I’m not depressed, then why is this so hard? Why can’t I just choose joy? I choose my clothes. I choose my breakfast. I choose how to do my hair. I choose a million things every day. Why can’t I just choose to be happy? I want to be happy! I mean, I have a beautiful family, an awesome husband, a lovely home, we are all healthy, we have plenty of food in the fridge, we have a car to go anywhere we want. I have everything I need and want. So why can’t I just choose to be happy and start feeling happy?
While I was still in the throes of my trial, I had a long talk with a friend who does suffer from depression, and she agreed with my “Choose Joy” frustrations. Not everyone has the option to choose joy. You can’t just turn depression off with a switch because you’ve finally decided to be happy. Some people don’t get to choose. When some outside force has already made that all-important choice for you, it seems hopeless. I brought this up with my husband one night when I just couldn’t shake the discouragement. In his patience and wisdom, he told me that I didn’t need to Choose Happy. I needed to Chase Happy.
But how?
I needed to get out of my head and quit focusing on my discouragement. Instead of choosing a feeling, I had to take action. I didn’t just want happiness to be am emotion I could feel, I wanted it to be my new mindset.
So I did things that were out of my discouragement comfort zone. I reached out to a good friend that I hadn’t talked to in a while and we went running (2 good things!). I made treats and we delivered them to a few neighbors (something we used to do all the time but hadn’t done in months). I started listening to podcasts again (great way to focus on something else)…and many of them just happened to be about meditation. I tried out some of the things I was learning and that helped a lot too. I started to let go of the notion that I had to care about the frustrating things that others said and did…things that were entirely out of my control. And through this, I gained a new perspective. I started doing the things that fell to the wayside when things had gotten hard. And one morning, without really even knowing exactly when it happened, I felt like I could choose happy along with my clothes and breakfast. I was finally in that place where it was MY choice again.
I realize that some people might say “choosing happy” and “chasing happy” are essentially the same thing. That the steps are the same. And maybe they are. But when I was discouraged, they seemed hugely different. Choosing to be happy seemed more like a once-daily event. Something I could do every morning if I was able…and I wasn’t. Chasing happy is action. And I don’t have to feel blissful in order to feel successful. If I have met my goals for the day, I can feel a sense of accomplishment that doesn’t come when I just try choose a feeling. I can’t say that what worked for me will work for everyone, but I think the key to getting out of a discouraging funk is to get outside yourself. Find a way to serve someone. Get in touch with an old friend. Visit a neighbor. Have meaningful connections. Make a goal and take a step in the right direction, and do it every day. You’ll get there.
And since the online images were what got this conversation going in the first place, I’ve made some printables of my own to share with you! Just download and print!
chase HAPPY 5×7 
{the stack underneath the C is my Instagram Chatbooks. One of my favorite things!! Follow me on Instagram for our daily shenanigans and all the behind the scenes of Bite of Delight! If Facebook is your thing, that’s cool too.}
Note: this is not advice for treating clinical depression or any other condition. This is my experience and what worked to helped me get through a tough time in my life. Everyone still has hard days, including me, but this helps me to stay in my Happiness Mindset.
For more posts on choosing or chasing happy, check these out: