There is a specific kind of silence that settles over a home when a child decides to walk away from the faith of their upbringing – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It isn’t the peaceful silence of a clean house or a sleeping toddler. It’s a heavy, echoing silence that lives in the empty spot on the church pew or the noticeable absence from family prayer.

I vividly remember the pain from hearing, “I don’t really care about getting married in the temple,” or the “I’m glad I was brought up a member, but I don’t really see The Church being a part of my life” kind of comments. It’s HARD, right?! I get it. As a mother of 7 children, ranging from the age of nine to the independent world of young marriage, I have learned that our hearts have a way of expanding to hold both immense joy and piercing grief at the exact same time. If you are reading this today with a lump in your throat because your child is currently “wandering in strange roads,” I want you to know first and foremost: you are not failing, and you are not alone.

Wayward Children: A Latter-day Saint Mother’s Covenant Hope

In our culture within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we talk a lot about the “ideal.” We celebrate the missions, the temple weddings, and the steady testimonies. These are beautiful things, worthy of celebration. But sometimes, we can inadvertently create a space where parents of wandering children feel they have to hide their heartbreak. We start to wonder if our “forever family” has a broken link, and worse, we wonder if it’s our fault.

Today, I want to peel back the layers of that shame and look at what the scriptures actually say—and what they don’t say—about covenant-keeping parents and the children they love.

Why LDS Parents Struggle with Guilt When a Child Leaves the Church

When a child chooses a different path, the adversary’s first move isn’t usually to attack the child; it’s to attack the parent’s peace. We start spiraling in shame, if we are not careful. We re-watch the home movies of our lives in our minds, looking for the exact moment we messed up. Maybe we weren’t consistent enough with family prayer. Maybe we were too strict. Maybe we weren’t strict enough. Maybe that one argument ten years ago was the tipping point.

We tend to interpret our child’s agency as a direct reflection of our parental worth. But if we look at the very beginning of the story of “wandering,” we see a different pattern. Heavenly Father is the only perfect parent to ever exist. He did everything right. He provided the perfect environment, the perfect instruction, and the perfect love. Yet, in the premortal world, one-third of His children chose to leave.

If a perfect God can have children who exercise their agency to walk away, why do we expect ourselves to be more successful than He was? Agency is not a flaw in the plan; it is the heart of the plan. Your child’s choice to wander is an exercise of the very gift God fought to give them. It is a testament to their identity as an individual, not a final report card on your motherhood.

Scriptural Promises for Parents of Wayward Children: The “Nevertheless” Hope

There is a verse in The Book of Mormon that has become a lifeline for me. It was written by Jacob, a man who knew a thing or two about family drama. He watched his older brothers, Laman and Lemuel, rebel against their father and cause deep divisions that lasted for generations. He saw the pain it caused his parents, Sariah and Lehi.

In 2 Nephi 10:2, Jacob writes something that feels like a warm hand on a trembling shoulder. He says, “For behold, the promises which we have obtained are promises unto us according to the flesh; wherefore, as it hath been shown unto me that many of our children shall perish in the flesh because of unbelief, nevertheless, God will be merciful unto many; and our children shall be restored, that they may come to that which will give them the true knowledge of their Redeemer.”

Did you catch that word? Nevertheless?? Jacob doesn’t pretend that unbelief isn’t happening. He doesn’t say, “Don’t worry, they’ll all be active by next Christmas.” He acknowledges the “perishing” and the “unbelief.” He validates the pain. But then he pivots. He reminds us that God’s mercy is not a finite resource that runs out when a child becomes stubborn.

The promise of “restoration” in this verse is a covenant promise. It suggests that because of the parents’ faithfulness to their covenants, the Lord keeps a special, watchful eye on the children. He doesn’t violate their agency, but He certainly “hedges up their way” with opportunities to remember who they are.

There are many wonderful faith-focused scriptures that have helped me, as a mother, as I navigate raising children in this fallen world. Here are a handful more:

1. Mosiah 27:14: The power of a parent’s faithful prayers to invoke Heavenly intervention.

2. Isaiah 54:13: The promise that our children will be “taught of the Lord” and find great peace.

3. Psalm 103:17-18: The everlasting mercy of the Lord that extends to our “children’s children.”

4. Exodus 20:6: God’s promise of mercy to thousands of generations of those who love Him.

5. Doctrine & Covenants 98:16-17: A modern promise that the Lord will remember His covenants with us and our children.

6. 1 Corinthians 7:14: Reassurance that a believing parent brings a sanctifying, holy influence to the entire family.

7. 2 Nephi 10:2: The “Nevertheless” promise of mercy and restoration for our children. (Shared above)

I’ve put together a printable document with even more comforting scriptures for Latter-day Saint parents of children who are struggling with their faith:

How Social Science and Research Support the Hope for “Prodigal” Children

While we rely on the Spirit for comfort, it is incredibly validating to see that secular research often mirrors these spiritual truths. If you feel like your influence has vanished the moment your child stopped attending church, the data suggests otherwise.

The Bengtson Study: Spiritual DNA and the Long Game

Sociologist Vern Bengtson conducted a landmark 35-year study called Families and Faith. He followed over 350 families across multiple generations to see how religion was passed down. His findings were a “nevertheless” moment for parents. Bengtson found that for high-commitment groups, specifically including Latter-day Saint families, the intergenerational transmission of faith is remarkably high.

But here is the part you need to highlight: the study found that many children who “drifted” in their late teens and twenties often returned to their parents’ faith or core values in their thirties and forties. This suggests that the “Spiritual DNA” you provided isn’t destroyed; it often goes dormant during a season of self-discovery. You are playing the long game, and the data says the odds are more in your favor than the current “empty chair” suggests.

The “Relational Warmth” Factor

Data from the National Study of Youth and Religion (NSYR) shows that the single greatest predictor of a child maintaining or returning to their faith isn’t how many seminary classes they took, but the quality of the relationship they have with their parents.

Children who feel they can talk to their parents about their doubts, mistakes, and disagreements without being “shamed” or “shut down” are significantly more likely to return to the fold. This aligns perfectly with the gospel principle of unconditional love. By focusing on the relationship rather than the “compliance,” you are actually doing the most effective “missionary work” possible for your child’s soul.

This is something I can vouch for. I have a son who fell away, but has since come back. He speaks of our close relationship during that time: that he felt our love and desire to have him be an active part of the family, despite his faith concerns. It gave him room to struggle and the humility to come back when he was ready.

How Covenant Promises and Generational Mercy Protect Our Families

For those of us who have made sacred covenants in the temple, we often wonder what those promises mean for our children who aren’t currently keeping theirs. While we know that everyone must eventually choose for themselves, the scriptures are overflowing with the idea of “generational mercy.”

In Exodus and Deuteronomy, the Lord speaks of showing mercy unto “thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.” In Psalm 103, we are told that the mercy of the Lord is from “everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children.“

Think about that phrase: unto children’s children. This suggests that your faithfulness creates a spiritual canopy that extends over your descendants. You are building a reservoir of grace that your children can draw from, even if they aren’t currently contributing to it themselves. When you keep your covenants, you are inviting God to work on your family line in powerful, persistent ways. And, HE WILL.

The Power of a Parent’s Prayers for Wayward Children

Perhaps the most famous story of a wayward child in our scripture is that of Alma the Younger. He wasn’t just “inactive”; he was actively trying to destroy the Church. He was the “worst-case scenario” parent’s nightmare.

And then, an angel appeared.

What is fascinating is why the angel appeared. The angel didn’t say, “Alma, you’re so special I had to come down here.” Instead, the angel said, “The Lord hath heard the prayers of his people, and also the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed with much faith concerning thee… and for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God.” (Mosiah 27:14).

I have spent many hours reflecting on that verse. It tells me that my prayers and efforts to keep my covenants aren’t just “feel-good” exercises. They are actual, spiritual forces that can move the hand of Heaven to intervene in a child’s life.

Does this mean an angel will appear to every wayward child? Probably not in a literal, flaming-sword kind of way. But it does mean that God responds to a parent’s faith by sending “angels” in other forms. Maybe it’s a specific friend who enters their life at just the right time. Maybe it’s a song they hear on the radio that triggers a childhood memory. Maybe it’s a moment of quiet reflection during a difficult trial that softens the soil of their heart.

One of my favorite talks on this subject is by Sister Wendy Nelson, called “My Soul Delighteth in the Covenants of The Lord,” where she speaks of our ability, as covenant makers and keepers, to call upon angels to help us in our lives. And, not just ANY angels… she invites us to ask for specific angels. I remember saying that very prayer, asking God to send my sweet best friend, Katie, who passed away at age 19, to look after my own 19 year old daughter. It was a little awkward at first, like, “am I really allowed to do this??” But, I felt the confirmation, deep inside, that not only was it okay, it was GOOD and God would honor my request.

When Children Stop Listening: Trusting the Lord as the Master Teacher

One of the most common sources of anxiety for parents is the feeling that we’ve lost our influence. When a child stops coming to us for advice, or worse, stops listening when we share our testimony, we panic. We feel like the only bridge to their salvation has been washed away.

But Isaiah 54:13 offers a promise that should calm our nervous systems: “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.”

This is a profound shift in perspective. If your child will not be taught by you right now, that doesn’t mean they aren’t being taught. The Lord has a curriculum for your child that you cannot see. He is a master teacher who knows exactly how to reach a stubborn heart.

He teaches through:

• The natural consequences of life choices.

• Those empty feelings that come from seeking happiness in “broken cisterns.”

• The beauty of the world that whispers of a Creator.

• The unexpected kindness of strangers.

• The “still, small voice” of The Holy Ghost

I remember times where I had just had a “great” talk with my wandering child. I would quickly pray and beg God to “make a move,” because I had JUST had a bold conversation with my child, and “now” would be an ideal time. Wouldn’t ya know it, God doesn’t always like my ideas. And, good thing He doesn’t, because oftentimes, when I think I’m right, I find out God knows WAY better. He knew there was an even better moment coming… a moment where His message and love would be felt more distinctly. And, it worked! It worked that way with my son and now I’m patiently waiting for that same moment for my daughter.

(Speaking of being patient, this talk was HUGE for me. It really opened my eyes to my own ineffectiveness and impatience, and my need to wait on The Lord. It’s called The Honest Truth About Our Messy Families by Joseph Grenny.)

Your job is to be the parent—to love, to welcome, to feed, and to listen. God’s job is to be the Teacher and the Savior. When we try to take over His job, we usually just end up stressed and push our children further away. When we trust Him to do His work, we find the “great peace” that Isaiah promised.

Redefining “Success” in Parenting When a Child Leaves the Faith

We need to be very careful about how we define a “successful” parent. If we define success as having children who are all perfectly active and “temple-worthy” at all times, then many of the greatest prophets in history were failures.

Lehi was a success, even though Laman and Lemuel rebelled. Adam and Eve were successes, even though Cain chose a dark path. King Mosiah was a success, even though his sons were wayward for many years. I could go on and on…

Success in parenting is not about the outcome; it is about the offering. It is about the daily, consistent effort to love as God loves. It is about keeping our own covenants, even when it’s hard. It is about keeping the door to our hearts—and our homes—wide open.

If you have loved your child, prayed for them, and tried to show them the light of the gospel, you have succeeded. The rest of the story is still being written, and it is being co-authored by your child and their Savior.

Practical Advice for Loving Your Wayward Child Without Losing Your Peace

So, what do we do in the meantime? How do we live in the “waiting room” of faith without losing our minds?

First, we have to learn to separate our child’s worth from their current beliefs. Your child is not a “project” to be fixed; they are a soul to be loved. When we see them only through the lens of their “inactivity,” they feel it. It creates a barrier of judgment. Try to see them as God sees them—not as a “wayward child,” but as a beloved son or daughter who is currently learning some very difficult lessons in the school of mortality. Take note of their good qualities, compliment them. Tell them reasons you are proud of them. Have FUN with them. Don’t live in a gloomy space and become unpleasant to be around. Show interest in their lives, outside of the church. How is their job going? Tell them something funny that happened during your day. Take them to lunch and keep the conversation light. Help them feel your sincere love and LIKE for them, despite their faith struggles.

Second, keep your own light bright. Sometimes, in our grief over a child, we let our own spiritual habits slide. We stop feeling the joy of the gospel because we are so focused on their absence. But your child needs you to be a lighthouse, not a fellow traveler in the dark. Keep your covenants. Go to the temple. Find joy in your service. Show them that the gospel makes you a happier, more loving, and more peaceful person. That is the most powerful testimony you can ever give. Find REST in knowing that God will step in when the time is right. Keep your faith strong!

Find ways to appreciate the challenges your child brings into your life and the personal growth you are seeing because of those challenges. A positive focus will serve you greatly. You will feel greater peace and your mind will be in a better place to receive inspiration. As a bonus, your child will sense your calm faith and feel your love in a more true way.

Third, pray for “proxies.” Pray that the Lord will send people into your child’s life who can say the things you can’t, and who can be heard in ways you aren’t. Often, a child needs to hear the truth from a peer, a mentor, or even a stranger before they can hear it again from a parent. Of course, that includes The Holy Ghost and angels, that we are encouraged to invite into our lives for help.

God Loves Your Child More Than You Do

If there is one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: God loves your child more than you do.

That feels impossible, doesn’t it? We feel like our love is the ultimate force. But our love is a drop in the ocean compared to the love of the One who bled in Gethsemane for them. He knows why they are struggling. He knows the wounds that haven’t healed, the questions that haven’t been answered, and the pressures they are facing.

He is not pacing the floors of Heaven, wringing His hands in frustration. He is the Good Shepherd. He is specialized in finding the one who is lost. And because of your covenants, He has a “claim” on your family that He will not easily let go.

Your story is not over. Your family is not “ruined.” You are in the middle of a very long, very complex chapter, but the Author of our faith knows how to write a beautiful ending.

Hold to the nevertheless. Keep your feet on the covenant path and your arms open wide. God is still working in the quiet, in the dark, and in the “far country” where your child may be wandering. He is the God of the return. He is the God of the restoration. And He is very, very good at bringing His children home.

~

If you like this post, check out:

• Confessing Sins to the Bishop – Why??
• Great Resources for Learning About Polygamy in The Latter-day Saint Church
• Why I Choose Faith Over Doubt

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