My name is Amy Bement and I’m a 35 year old, married mother of 2 wonderful daughters. You could say that our family life is VERY predictable – and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, this journey to being a “35 year old, married, mother of 2” with a predictable life wasn’t an easy one.
Throughout my childhood, predictability and stability were not attributes that I could use to describe our daily lives. My mother was often absent. My father was always absent. The true constants in my life were my mother’s parents, my Grandparents, Dick & Carol. Every time my mother would get in trouble, my Grandparents were there, picking up the pieces, providing for us, giving us the stability that we so needed.
Three days before my 10th birthday, my mother couldn’t “handle” things any longer and she left…..just left. I made a phone call to the one phone number that I ever needed to know and we went to live with my Grandparents for good.
Since this is a “mom” post, I’ll tell you about my “Mom”. My Grandma, Carol, raised 3 girls of her own – my mother being the oldest. When she should have been preparing to enjoy her retirement, she was thrust into mothering two very needy and young children ( I was 10 and my sister was 7). At 48 years old, she was back to raising young children. She is the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Not only did she raise us with the same values and morals that she had raised her own three girls with, she went above and beyond with us. We needed counseling – she took us. There were court hearings – she never missed an appointment. When there were problems with school – she never missed a call or a meeting. My Grandma worked a day job, too. Through all of the school activities, practices, plays, assemblies, games, graduation…..she was there. Through boyfriends, break-ups, dances, shopping excursions (which usually ended in arguments), she was there.
She never missed a chance to BE there for us. Our lives were normal. So normal, that in a high school speech class, I chose to deliver my final project about “alternative” households. Many of my closest friends did not know before that presentation that I lived with my Grandparents. Pretty cool, huh? Don’t mistake “cool” for a vacation to Grandma’s house where we baked cookies and had hours of fun every single day. We had expectations and rules and consequences. We had what we NEEDED, not always what we WANTED when we wanted it, and we learned the value of a dollar. We had a lot of love in that house, too.
I learned to eat what was on the table for dinner, how to shop for dresses (that I often hated), how to do my own laundry because I wore multiple pairs of socks (back when slouch socks were cool), and how to sew on a button and hem a pair of pants (and now, I must say, my sewing skills have advanced to making items that can actually be worn!). I learned that layaway is a good thing – too bad that our retailers don’t offer it much anymore. She taught me how to drive and taught me that grabbing the steering wheel out of the young driver’s hand is really not a great idea. I learned not to have your Grandma in the garage when you are changing your oil….and that she makes you very nervous when you’re using a drill! But, I also learned that she will buy a replacement drill bit for your Grandpa’s drill that you broke while trying to install vent-visors on your truck. If you break it, fix it. If you borrow it, return it. If you want it, then earn it.
I learned that even though you might want to say “I told you so,” that you don’t say it, even if your child DESERVES it. You don’t say it, ever. Even when they ask for it, you…don’t…say…the…words. You stand by and help pick up the pieces.
As I raise my daughters, 7 year old Lily and 2 year old Kori Jo, I have to laugh. They fight me every step of the way at dinner time. They fight me on what they will and will not wear. They fight me on chores and homework time, bath time, bed time. They fight me to get their FAVORITE toy at the store when money is tight. They fight me because they want what they want, when they want it…and I know that, after a long day, when I tuck them in at night, when I tell them that I love them, that we give them what they truly need every day…and I learned that from my Grandma.
~ Amy