Guys (by way of your gals)… It’s time to ramp up the heat! Summer is here and it’s going to be a scorcher. Why not crank up the heat with your lady as well? How hot it gets is 1 part weather and 2 parts action on your part. I’m a man. I like action. If my wife’s summer is a-sizzlin’ then I am probably running around on fire as well!
In order to increase the odds I have devised *cough* (asked my wife) what are 7 things I can do to raise the temperature on our marriage thermostat. She gave me a few ideas, some I came up with on my very own.
7 Sure-Fire Ways to Make Your Wife’s Summer Sizzle:
1 – Take her shoe shopping and LIKE it! (my idea)
“Hey honey, I noticed that you are down to like 4 score pair of shoes… how’s about we go shoe shopping together?” (said no man ever). Until this guy… Oh yes, I did. What do I know about shoes? That most girls seem to like them and by me voluntarily offering to take her shoe shopping, I can already hear the sweet sound of sizzle in my wife’s summer. Did I enjoy myself? Heck yes I did. Look, it’s a mind-set. I went in with a budget, gave her my honest opinion, seemed interested in her selection (I actually was more interested than you would think) and made her strut around the aisle in her new prospective kicks. It was fun. Not, let’s-do-this-once-a-month fun, but that’s not the point.
2 – Paint her toenails (once again, my idea)
No, this is not a feet-themed list, but feet seem to be pretty important to a gal, and I am quickly finding that a shortcut to the fires of her heart begin with her feet. Start out by giving her a foot massage, then scrub her tootsies down with a good sea-salt scrub, next apply some cuticle softening lotion (we both really liked the tea-tree smell and feel of Earth Therapeutic Foot Repair Balm.)
Next, pick out a nice nail-polish with some flair and panache! Who cares if you do a great job or not? Deanne loved it and was extra surprised when I suggested adding polka-dots to her big toes. Check out these piggies!
Speaking of bacon… do you hear the sizzle now??
3 – Take a “Pledge of No-Flatulence” (my idea, fully endorsed by Deanne)
When I was dating my wife, I was the perfect gentleman. I would just as soon have passed away than allow myself to pass gas in front of her. Well, let’s just say the “winds” of change blew into our marriage soon after the “I do’s”. Most gals don’t find the behavior of befouling the air nearly as funny as I do. Furthermore, I now have 4 sons I am corrupting in this manner. However, in spite of years proving otherwise, I am capable of change. I have signed a “Pledge of No Flatulence” that extends for a whole week (baby steps)! It’s a simple document of my own make. Signing it made it official. Perhaps, if the payoff is worth it, I will work on a month-to-month contract. The idea isn’t attaining perfection; it’s the attempt of perfection. Deanne says she plans on making a sign stating “This has been a fart-free zone for: (insert # of days here)” This chart will help it become a challenge, and what man can resist a challenge?
4 – Watch a sunrise/sunset together (her idea)
Ok, must admit, wasn’t feeling this one at first. Felt pretty cliché. Not to mention all sorts of mushy… However, I woke with my wife early one morning, took a long slow walk with her while the sun was rising, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Better than that, Deanne loved it! It was totally worth the 1 hour sacrifice of sleep. I enjoyed being with her, while it was relatively quiet outside, holding her hand, and watching the breaking of a glorious day.
Sizzle me baby!
5 – Do some dishes for gosh sakes!!
Best. Advice. Ever. I was once told that the best form of foreplay was for a man to do some dishes. Ever since that little tip I have developed bonafide Palmolive hands. Sometimes I wash dishes that can undoubtedly be thrown in the dishwasher but why give away free points? You, my friend, may see a dirty spatula, I see future “Yabba Dabba Doo!!” Guys, you wanna throw out some instant pheromone? Pick up that casserole dish and start scrubbing. A near-guaranteed home-run every time (results may vary).
6 – Stake out a bathroom for yourself (inspired by age-old arguments)
Look, if I want to leave the gosh darn lid up after I pee then that’s my manly right, so long as it is in my designated bathroom to do so (See ‘Sharing a Bathroom with a Man.) I have claimed one of our guest bathrooms as my own personal HoneyBucket. The only thing it is missing is a urinal. Why don’t more homes have urinals?? Dee knows it’s mine by the outhouse decoration – see pic – I have placed on top of the toilet.
Here’s the rub, this bathroom is my baby. I will care for it, clean it, stink it up or otherwise do with it as I will without fear of reprisal. She knows it’s off limits. I also promise to clean it when company is coming and at regular intervals. No more complaints of smells, lids being left up or the mosaic patterns I leave behind on the porcelain. Win / Win… It’s a sizzle thing!
7 – Pick a night of the week to put the kids to bed by yourself (my idea)
Nothing breathes stress into an evening like bed time. It’s always a battle. We get tired just thinking about bed-time around here. I am battling depression just typing about it. I have designated Thursday evenings as Dad’s night for bedtime. I send my wife off to our room as soon as it’s that hour and forbid her to show herself until it is time for hugs and kisses. Is it a pretty affair having Dad do this? Heck no. Do heads roll? Only every night. Does my wife appreciate the time to decompress? Heavens yes. Is this worthy of sizzle? Let’s see. Relaxed, appreciative wife, getting ready for bed without having to worry about the kids or dishes, looking down at her husband-painted toes, having just taken off her new pair of shoes, remembering that sunrise walk she took with you this morning, all from her toilet lid down, clean, flatulence-free bathroom… Get ready for one heckuva hot sizzlin’ summer night my good man! Right sweetie? Right?? 😉