Dealing with a Bossy Child (she: Heather)

Happy August Everyone! It’s Heather from FamilyVolley.com. I’m excited to be here today to share some parenting tips to make things a little bit easier in your home. And although today’s post is geared toward toddlers, the parenting tips can be used when parenting kids of any age. When our oldest child was nearing 2, I clearly remember my mom telling me that the twos were terrific, not terrible. I have always been grateful for her counsel. I ignored all the people telling me “to brace myself for the terrible twos”, went into parenting a two year old with an open mind, and you know what, she was exactly right. Now, five kids later, two is one of my favorite ages. As much as I love all the toddler developments, there is something that comes with being two that isn’t terrific. Two year olds tend to be a little bossy. Toddlers in general seem to be a little bossy and want things their own way. Dealing with a bossy child isn’t easy, but here’s some more information that might help:

WHY?

1. It’s a child’s way of feeling in control when their parents have all the power. We tell our toddlers everything they can and cannot do all day long. This can make them feel powerless over their own lives.

2. Toddlers have poor social skills. They have yet to learn how to deal with other kids, or adults. They are only 2 and are still learning empathy and good manners.

3. They are still developing communicating skills. They have feelings and emotions, as well as opinions, but they don’t know how to express themselves.

4. Some kids are born with more dominant personalities than others. The dominant personality trait can come off as bossy. We often stereotype oldest children as more bossy too.

REST ASSURED….MOST KIDS GROW OUT OF THE BOSSY PHASE

But…. until they do… WHAT CAN WE DO?

Offer choices. Letting children choose makes them feel like they are in control. It is empowering for them to make their own choices. Small choices such as what color shirt they should wear, or if they want water or milk to drink with lunch, will make a big difference. They will no longer have the need to boss others around when they feel like they are making their own choices.

Pay Attention. The bossiness could stem from the need for more attention. It could mean that as parents, we need to spend more quality time with them. Children need at least 15 minutes of individual time with a parent every day.

Be a Good Example. Are we bossy moms? If we are, then we are teaching our children that bossy is the way to be. Remember, kids will act, for the most part, like their parents. It can be really hard, but we need to take a step back and treat our children how we want to be treated. I can’t stand it when people boss me around. Imagine how a 2 year old would feel.

I know this can be really hard. Our families have schedules and responsibilities that we as moms are always juggling. I feel like my bossiness comes from trying to meet all the expectations. If that is the case, it is probably our cue that we need to simplify and put ourselves in our children’s position. Seeing life through their eyes will help us boss less and love and play more.

Enforce the Rules. Just because a child is 2, doesn’t make their behavior acceptable. We need to be sure we enforce the rules and when children are bossy and demanding, let them know that their tone and actions are not acceptable. Do not give in to their bossy requests until they ask with the right tone and the right words. Make consequences clear before hand, and enforce them when necessary.

Enforce Social Skills. Teach children to say please and thank you. When they do boss, don’t give in to their demands. Ask them, “Is that how you ask for a drink of milk?” Or, “How would you feel if your brother didn’t share with you?” Bring social skills to their attention. Help them to learn empathy by pointing out other’s feelings and situations. Help them form good social habits, and in time, as they grow out of the bossiness, the good behavior will continue and fill in the gaps the bossiness left behind.

Strengthen Their Self Esteem. Ask your child to help you with everyday, simple responsibilities. In our house, our two year old helps put things away, loves to stand on a stool and put clothes in the washer, and will stand at the sink with me for an hour “doing” dishes. When I ask her to help, her face lights up. You would think it was Christmas. She gets even more excited when I praise her for her help. Helping, makes them feel important and grown up without having to boss someone else around.

Don’t let the twos be terrible in your house. Curb the Bossiness now and turn them into a TERRIFIC developmental stage.

Does your 2 year old have a favorite household “chore?”

Weigh in: Are the 2’s terrible or terrific at your house?

Comments

Liv says

August 11, 2014 at 6:29 pm

My little Aspen girl is preeeeetty bossy. For a while we tried “Love and Logic” and it helped us at the time. But then she caught on and stopped making choices and instead just said “no” to everything. Haha! Too smart for her own good.

Last year we started doing “Two-minute-tidy” at our house, and it helps me feel less like I’m cleaning up after her all day. She just has a two-minute limit to take things and put them in their correct room. She doesn’t have to put anything away on a shelf/in a drawer/etc in that time; she just has to get items out of the wrong spot. She really loves it since it’s similar to something a character on a favorite show does.

Dealing with a Bossy Child (she: Heather)

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