Hello Ladies…it’s good to be back! I previously shared some creative dating ideas. As a refresher intro, my name is Teresa and I am the 31 year old, still single, female living and loving life in Salt Lake City! Besides being single, I am also a music teacher. To obtain such a position, I did my time in an undergraduate program in Southern Utah, and within the last couple of years I decided to further my education by obtaining a Master’s degree from Boston University. Finishing such intense education is an interesting thing. I like learning but I’m not ready to jump into a PhD program of any sort! So, finishing school gave me the freedom to create my own personalized education in a less conventional/structured program. It’s fun to explore new subjects and to develop ME, in a more well-rounded fashion.
A huge part of my education in the last year has been in the subject of “relationships.” Being single for so long (I’ve never been married…pretty much always been single) has given me a lot of opportunity to observe others and to asses more fully what I want out of a relationship. It has also made me realize that both getting into one, and keeping one healthy, takes A LOT of work! I think that it is probably work well worth it however. As a result, I have taken it upon myself to study what the experts have to say about finding and retaining such bliss.
Now before you judge, I realize that there are many mixed feelings about her but, as with anything I ready or study, I take what I feel is relevant, and throw out the rest, or store it for later use if necessary. Anyway, keeping an open mind as I read has led me to some very interesting observations, and has helped me to more fully form on paper, the half that I want to be in a relationship. So, today I would like to share with you some of my favorite tips, observations, advice, and books about relationships for both the married and the single.
Dr. Laura’s book is all about how men are simple creatures and giving them what they need, in return causes them to give us what we desire. It seems that often after a wedding takes place, relationships change drastically. For example, as she says, often “women get married thinking about what their marriage and their man can do for them.” I believe that it is important to get what you want out of a marriage and life but where we can go wrong is dwelling on that instead of seeing the relationship as a “team” effort. Through many examples, she notes how when we give, we also receive.
Of this particular concept, one of her listener’s wrote about her own self discoveries stating, “I began to realize how lucky I am that I have the ability to stay at home and raise my boys. I wouldn’t have that luxury if it weren’t for my husband’s hard work. I still have that excitement to do things to make him happy because it also makes me happy. I give, he gives. I give more, he gives more. I realized that it isn’t all about what I’m not getting, it’s about what I’m giving that makes the difference.”
Part of this giving is in understanding the needs of men. Men and women are very different creatures in many respects. I love the way this is explained in one of the most well-known relationship books of all time, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
This is a book I believe that everyone should read…no matter your relationship status. It is beyond enlightening to take a small glimpse into the mysterious mind of the opposite sex.
In a similar fashion to both Dr. Laura and John Gray, we have a local expert who lists the top needs of both men and women. Her advice is significantly helpful to those seeking a relationship but again, understanding what we are looking for and what our partner needs, can also improve any relationship. This expert, Alisa Goodwin Snell, is known as the “Utah Dating Coach,” and her advice is found on a blog she keeps, as well as in some of her books such as, “Dating Game Secrets For Marrying a Good Man.”
While all of these sources are helpful and should be read for further enlightenment, it is Dr. Laura that I will quote today since she is my current study partner. She focuses on the needs of men because that is what her book is based on. She also does this because as mentioned above, taking care of their needs, in turn takes care of our needs. Some of her most potent words of wisdom include the following, “A man needs to feel strong and needed as a protector for women-basically, to conquer the beast and rescue the fair maiden.” “What every man wants is for his woman to make him feel that he is strong and the head of the household.”
She further enlightens that, “Men don’t gossip; they are more private. By and large, they tend to get a sense of approval from their success at work and from their wives’ happiness. So, talking to a grown man, the father of your children and the major financial supporter of your family, in that “mother tone,” as though he were a naughty or irresponsible child, is in direct opposition to his wanting to have a wife and family who are in awe of him for who he is and what he does for them.”
Now, you may or may not be guilty of talking to your man that way but either way, make a conscious effort to treat him how you would like to be treated. A listener of Dr. Laura’s show made the following pledge to, “Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.” As Dr. Laura suggests further, “The ability for you to maintain a safe and nurturing home for (your) child largely depends on the quality and existence of your marriage.” A friend of mine who actually lent me the book observed that, “This is one of the most important and most forgotten aspects of marriage and families.” I agree!
Basically, take care of yourself and take care of your man and you will both find true happiness. I love this quote from the book;“Lives are constructed of choices. Your life is constructed out of the building blocks of your choices.” Choose to make your relationship work, and it will. If you are still searching, like me, might I also suggest further study (don’t be afraid to learn a thing or two from the pros…it might just help you out a little!) from the following great books:
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