Or so she says...

the mother lode of ideas

facebooktwitterpintrestinstagramgooglerss
  • Home
  • Categories
    • Gift Ideas
    • Family
    • Recipes
    • Education
    • Inspiration
    • Holidays
    • Vacation
    • Crafts
    • Health
    • Home & Garden
  • About
    • OSSS Team
    • Media & Partners
  • Contact
  • Shop
11
Feb

Three Easy Parenting Tips for 2014 (she: Heather)

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, see the disclosure policy.

by Heather / in Motherhood, Parenting, Self-Improvement/ tags motherhood, parenting, self-improvement 5 Comments

Hello! My name is Heather and I am excited to be a new member of the contributor team here at ‘Or So She Says…’. Before I share with you three easy parenting tips for 2014, let me tell you a little about myself.

three easy parenting tips

My husband and I have five children (ages 12 – 6 weeks). I am also an adjunct faculty member at Brigham Young University where I teach students the principles behind successful families. I am passionate about helping families grow stronger together, and share tips about parenting, marriage, and motherhood on my blog, Family Volley.com. I am also the Producer/Director of the Listen To Your Mother Show here in Northern Utah. I love making new friends and look forward to stopping by once a month to share tips for making your parenting and family life easier.

Being a parent is by far the most challenging and rewarding endeavor I have ever been involved in. And although our children have different needs and personalities, here are three tips to help every parent find success in this upcoming year, and always.

three easy parenting tips

First, find 15 minutes a day. If we want to have strong relationships with our children, we HAVE to spend time with them. Not just every once in a while, but research shows that we need to find at least 15 minutes a day to spend with each child on an individual basis. This is uninterupted time where we put our phones and computers and the laundry away and just focus on them. Get down on their level, look into their eyes and really listen to what they say. If you are wondering what you are going to do, sit down together and make a list of all the things that you could do. From baking cookies, to going for a drive, playing a game or just chatting about the day. Then when it is time to be together, you wont waste it trying to figure something out. Pick something on your list and have a good time. Your kids will feel supported, listened to, understood, and you will even see improvements in their behavior. You will find that a little time makes a big difference.

Second, Don’t hold grudges. This one might sound silly. We stopped holding grudges back in junior high school, right? Wrong. It can be really easy for us as parents to hold grudges against our children and not even know we are doing it. The embarrassing temper tantrum they threw in Super Target last week can have a huge affect on how we feel about being patient with them today. The fight you have over practicing math homework after school can make you subconsciously irritated when they ask for help on a project or if we will read them a story. It is very hard to start each new situation fresh, but we have to. We can’t let chips on our shoulders keep us from loving our children unconditionally. We can’t hold grudges against our selves either. I might not have handled the temper tantrum correctly last week, but I have to let it go and do better the next time it happens. We have to let  go of the worry about how we look. Get past the tantrum in public, forget about the stares from others, and worry only about our children, our families and what is best in each situation. We can’t let resentment take over towards our children, or else it will always be there. We have to just keep loving them.

with kids pr so she says

Third, Stop using a red pen. When I was in graduate school I had to take a TA course so I was prepared to assist professors. The first day of the course they taught us two things. First, avoid grading any papers with red pen. The color red immediately puts someone on the defensive and makes mistakes stand out over things that have been done right. This is discouraging to the student. Second, they taught us to always make a comment about something the student did right, before we made any comments about what they did wrong.

As parents, these two principles apply to us also. Using a red pen is like constantly pointing out our children’s shortcomings. We don’t need to spend all our time pointing out what they are doing wrong or need to do better. We wouldn’t like it if someone did that to us all day. Our children do not need to grow up with their mistakes constantly glaring them in the face. This will discourage them and immediately put them on the defensive. Our children will feel like doing something good won’t matter because we are always pointing out the bad. We shouldn’t point out their mistakes to others either. Constantly pointing out shortcomings is like using a red pen instead of a black one. It won’t make our children feel any better.

Just like I learned as a TA, we also need to start with the positive when we talk to our children. Then we can follow up with the problem. Maybe the only positive we can come up with is “I love you”, or ” you tried really hard, thank you”. Work to not say something reprimanding until you have said something positive. In fact, the goal should be to make 90% of our conversations with our children positive, with only 10% negative, correcting and reprimanding.

As parents, if we can implement the above three easy parenting tips, we will see marked differences in our relationships with our children. There will be more trust, love, patience, understanding and even laughter as you get to know one another better and express love more often and openly.

If you had 15 minutes with your child today, what would you do?

  • Bio
  • Latest Posts
Heather

Heather

Heather used to speak French, wishes she could dance and will almost always choose fruity over chocolate. She blogs at FamilyVolley.com where she shares advice about parenting and family life along with fantastic games and activities for your family. Wife and mother of 5. Adjunct Faculty at Brigham Young University. Director/Producer of the Listen To Your Mother Show-Northern Utah.
Heather

Latest posts by Heather (see all)

  • Teach Children To Be Self-Reliant – 3 tips (she: Heather) - May 11, 2015
  • How to Handle Your Children’s Imaginary Friends (she: Heather) - April 13, 2015
  • Toilet Training – Is Your Child Ready? (she: Heather) - March 9, 2015
SHARE  
Never Miss an Idea

No spam, ever. Promise.

Comments

  1. Rebecca says

    February 11, 2014 at 9:37 am

    What great tips Heather! We started the 15 minutes of alone time about a year ago, and it’s made a huge difference in our relationship with our three kids. It can be hard to drop everything when they ask for Mommy-Time, but it’s worth it. I can’t wait to see what other great parenting tips you have to share with us!

    Reply
  2. Liv says

    February 11, 2014 at 11:05 am

    If all else fails, my three-year-old gets at least 15 minutes of alone time with either me or my husband at bedtime. We lay with her for a while after the routine is completed and talk about her day, or just sing songs, or do cuddles and back tickles. She loves it and I know that my husband especially appreciates having that time with her when he’s been at work all day.

    Hopefully I’ll commit to giving her those 15 minutes in more ways after her baby brother is born this summer and things get interesting!

    Reply
  3. Susan says

    February 11, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    I’m a single mom and my son and I spend a lot of time together. One of my favorite things is reading to him at night. He still likes for me to read to him after he gets in bed. We enjoy the same types of books (Percy Jackson, Inkheart, Peter and the Starcatchers) and I love that time with him. I’ll be so sad when he thinks he’s too big for it.

    Reply
  4. Mariel @ Or so she says... says

    February 11, 2014 at 11:59 pm

    These are great, Heather! I’m so happy to have you here sharing some rid-bits of your wisdom. Anything I can do to be a better member of my family is at the top of my list! Thanks so much!

    Reply
  5. Andrea B. says

    February 12, 2014 at 11:55 am

    I made a conscience decision to turn off the radio and not be on my phone when I take my daughter to preschool. It’s only 5 minutes, but it is 5 minutes that I have alone with her to talk to her. It has been really helpful.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Never Miss an Idea

No spam, ever. Promise.

Past Ideas on OSSS…

My Top 5 Favorite Recipes ~ These are the most requested recipes in my family and they're all easy to make! www.orsoshesays.com
Favorite Book

RECENT POSTS

  • Things to Buy at the Dollar Store – 10 Items You Don’t Want to Overlook! April 24, 2018
  • LDS Primary Talk about Prophets – May 2018 April 22, 2018
  • Monsters Inc. Ice Cream Treat Recipe – A Fun Summer Dessert! April 17, 2018
  • Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words-Family Night Lesson April 15, 2018
  • What Is Blue Apron? Your Guide to Meal Delivery April 13, 2018

CATEGORIES & TOPICS

  • Gift Ideas
  • Recipes
  • Travel
  • Crafts
  • Parenting
  • Shopping
  • Inspiration
  • Printables
'Or so she says...' is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
Terms and Usage Policies  Privacy Policy / Disclosure Policy