But, making new friends isn’t as easy as it sounds. Lots of times, people already have lots of family/friends around and don’t feel the need for any additions. Other times, your personalities just don’t mesh. Sometimes there just isn’t enough time to spend together to bring about a real friendship. And, maybe you just don’t know how to break the ice. It’s funny…finding new girl friends is a similar process to finding a “boyfriend”. Y’all remember how that goes, it’s really…great.
Improve Your Conversation Skills – I could dedicate a whole post to this topic, that I swear…at least, 75% of America needs to hear. Develop an attitude (it’s a choice) that other people are interesting and that it’s fun to get to know them, underneath the surface. When you are in a social situation, conjure up that “im interested” attitude and start asking questions! Based on their answers, you build your conversation around that. Not only are you showing that you’re friendly but you are getting to know someone. To me, that’s valuable. Make a point to remember the things they tell you and get updates when you see them again. Nothing is more frustrating than having to start from square one every time you see someone, “what did you say your name was??” Be aware of yourself during the conversation…are you doing all the talking, are you asking questions too, are you paying attention to them while they talk? Conversation skills take practice…just do it and it gets easier and easier.
“Fake it ’till you make it” – One of my favorite pieces of advice that has helped me tons! If you aren’t confident, pretend you are! Before you know it, you truly are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pretended I could do something…only to find, I pulled it off! I attended a conference years back where the speaker (who was highly successful in the business world) acknowledged the use of “fake it till you make it” throughout her whole career. She would be asked if she could do something, knowing she couldn’t…she said, “sure, you bet I can.” And, she did it. She quickly learned, studied, and came through! Don’t let opportunities pass you by 🙂 I used to be terribly, terribly shy but with all my heart…I didn’t want to be. So, little by little I started to pretend I wasn’t and slowly I gained more confidence. Now, I’m as cocky as all get-out. 🙂
Be Approachable – It’s hard for people to say “hello” or start a conversation with you if you aren’t looking UP, if you don’t have a friendly demeanor on your face, if you act indifferent, or are a major busy body that has no time for anyone. Be approachable and the second part of this, approach people! Set a goal with yourself to start saying “hello” and giving big smiles.
Compliment & Use the Person’s Name – Oh, doesn’t it feel so good? A compliment…it HAS to be sincere. If you can’t say something kind and sincere, just be quiet :). Even more than the looks or clothing of someone, notice their talents and their character traits that impress you. Also, use their name…it makes everything much more personal…it makes people want to be your friend.
Nice post full of good reminders!!! Thank you, Mariel…that is your name right, ? I can’t remember. JUST KIDDING!
I love this list and love your blog! I am excited to follow along! I am going to link this post on my blog…I think this is a must read!
Great post Mariel!! Thanks for all the info!!
You are so right; it is difficult to make friends as an adult. For one thing, everyone is always so busy. It seems our social life is almost completely dependant on our 7 yr old’s social life. We visit the other parents at soccer games, birthday parties, school events, etc. You have some very good advice here!
My father in law said once, “to be interesting, be interested” that is my motto now! Great post!
Love this post Mariel!
I heard similar advice when I was 19 and becoming active in the church again and I was having a hard time feeling a part of things and making friends. I was talking with my Bishop about it and he gave me the greatest advice EVER and I’ve never forgotten it. I was having a self-pitty party and he had no pitty for me, one bit! He asked me why I hadn’t called anyone to do anything, or asked why I hadn’t done anything for anyone to be nice.
Well that whipping turned me right around and ever since that moment my attitude changed from self-pitty to self-witty! (ha ha, I just made that up just now). It was that “fake it-till you make it” attitude. I had no clue how to be confident! But I did it.
From then on I was the one to call people up and organize things and I’ve never looked back….until I moved away from my comfort zone (home) when I got married. I reverted a little, but now with this great post, I actually have more motivation to get things going in my life, in a new town.
I’m sorry for the long comment, but I just had to write that….if anything, for myself. Thanks again Mariel!
Great post. I especially like the last part! So funny, yet SO true! We do really hold ourselves back sometimes because of the things we “just don’t see” about ourselves. It’s agood reminder to self-assess and become more aware of what we’re putting out there for people.
Love the post. Thanks for all the advice. I used to have a lot of friends & I was very sociable in high school. I wished I could be like that now but it’s so hard. We’ve lived in our house 7 years now & I don’t have too many close friends around here. I can be shy at times & I know that does hold me back. I’m also in primary, so I’m not able to be social with all the other ladies. A while back I decided that I wasn’t gonna sit around & wait for others to approach me anymore & things are getting better. But I feel like I still have a ways to go & that I don’t have that one close friend that lives by me that I can call on for anything but I’m getting there & that’s what matters most. I do however live close to my sister & rely on her for everything & I’m still friends with my best friend from High school & see her at least once a month.
Loved this post. I especially like the “fake it ’till you make it” advice. That’s a great way to think about overcoming inadequacies. And, I like the advice of using someone’s name. My husband is really good about that and people love him.
This is so great! To add, I think sometimes women (more specifically newlywed women) think that in order to make friends, thier spouses need to suddenly become BFF’s. It’s easier to break out of your comfort zone when you focus on developing a friendship with a PERSON first and a COUPLE second.