I don’t know about the rest of you, but one of the hardest things for me about getting married is losing contact with your friends, having no TIME to spend with friends, and having a hard time making new friends. Can you relate?? Life really has it’s way of sucking up your free time and can make you crave some girly interactions!
But, making new friends isn’t as easy as it sounds. Lots of times, people already have lots of family/friends around and don’t feel the need for any additions. Other times, your personalities just don’t mesh. Sometimes there just isn’t enough time to spend together to bring about a real friendship. And, maybe you just don’t know how to break the ice. It’s funny…finding new girl friends is a similar process to finding a “boyfriend”. Y’all remember how that goes, it’s really…great.
Anyway, here’s some ideas to help you in your quest…
MAKING NEW FRIENDS AS AN ADULT
Pick Up a New Hobby and/or Take a Class – That’s right…sign up for that photography class, cooking class, or aerobics class. If it’s something your truly interested in, you will find yourself in a setting with a bunch of people that have at least one thing in common with! Even if there isn’t anyone in the class that you hit it off with, just having a new hobby can open doors for you. You can volunteer your skills for social events, make something that you learned and give it as a gift, etc. All things that invite social situations. An added bonus, new hobbies and interests give you more to talk about in conversations!
Join Groups – Have you heard of a local book club? Is there a play group that the neighborhood has put together? Maybe a group of ladies that walk in the mornings? Go to church! You may have to step out of your comfort zone to ask about joining, but the awkwardness is totally worth it if you make new friends.
Meet the Neighbors – Stop expecting people to come to you. Maybe you just moved into the neighborhood and your bum neighbors won’t come visit. Or, maybe you’ve lived in the area forever and just don’t know everyone. Get over that and start visiting your neighbors! Make plates of cookies and start the rounds. It’s simple, just say “Hi, I actually just live up the road and realized we’ve never met…” If it’s not going well, just state that you simply wanted to bring by the cookies and say hello. If you’re greeted warmly, build on it…”how long have you lived here?,” “i see you have a little boy, how old is he?”, etc. If you seem to click, plan a get-together.
Host a Party – Take a big swallow of confidence and then invite the ladies in the area over for some kind of party. I’m not talking about the lame-o tupperware “parties” or candle “parties”, no selling allowed…which, by the way, those parties don’t deserve the title “party”. Plan a real party (or adult language, “get together”)…and that doesn’t mean it has to be rockin’ and raging. It can be as simple as a recipe exchange where you have everyone bring a favorite dish with the recipe typed for as many people come. You can do a family night lesson exchange, a bring the kids and hang out party, a childrens book exchange, a craft making party, scrapbooking, volleyball, you name it! Be sure to have treats and be super friendly 🙂
Get Involved in the Community – Join the PTA, volunteer at schools, the libraries, at church. Sign up to help plan and carry out community events. Your local city buildings or newspapers are often listing volunteer opportunities
Improve Your Conversation Skills – I could dedicate a whole post to this topic, that I swear…at least, 75% of America needs to hear. Develop an attitude (it’s a choice) that other people are interesting and that it’s fun to get to know them, underneath the surface. When you are in a social situation, conjure up that “im interested” attitude and start asking questions! Based on their answers, you build your conversation around that. Not only are you showing that you’re friendly but you are getting to know someone. To me, that’s valuable. Make a point to remember the things they tell you and get updates when you see them again. Nothing is more frustrating than having to start from square one every time you see someone, “what did you say your name was??” Be aware of yourself during the conversation…are you doing all the talking, are you asking questions too, are you paying attention to them while they talk? Conversation skills take practice…just do it and it gets easier and easier.
“Fake it ’till you make it” – One of my favorite pieces of advice that has helped me tons! If you aren’t confident, pretend you are! Before you know it, you truly are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pretended I could do something…only to find, I pulled it off! I attended a conference years back where the speaker (who was highly successful in the business world) acknowledged the use of “fake it till you make it” throughout her whole career. She would be asked if she could do something, knowing she couldn’t…she said, “sure, you bet I can.” And, she did it. She quickly learned, studied, and came through! Don’t let opportunities pass you by 🙂 I used to be terribly, terribly shy but with all my heart…I didn’t want to be. So, little by little I started to pretend I wasn’t and slowly I gained more confidence. Now, I’m as cocky as all get-out. 🙂
Be Approachable – It’s hard for people to say “hello” or start a conversation with you if you aren’t looking UP, if you don’t have a friendly demeanor on your face, if you act indifferent, or are a major busy body that has no time for anyone. Be approachable and the second part of this, approach people! Set a goal with yourself to start saying “hello” and giving big smiles.
Compliment & Use the Person’s Name – Oh, doesn’t it feel so good? A compliment…it HAS to be sincere. If you can’t say something kind and sincere, just be quiet :). Even more than the looks or clothing of someone, notice their talents and their character traits that impress you. Also, use their name…it makes everything much more personal…it makes people want to be your friend.
Check Yourself – You NEED to be a likeable person. Ask yourself some honest questions…Do you gossip? Are you snide? Competitive in the wrong ways? Selfish? Snobby? Do you always have a booger in your nose? Do you spit when you talk? Laugh when people say something sad? Never let others make decisions? Boss people around? Act like a “know-it-all”? Show off? Never want to do anything? Get offended easily? Smell bad??
The only thing that holds people back from making friends is their own self. Know that not EVERYONE will want to be your friend, and that’s okay. But, there are some people that do…you might just have to find them. Making friends sometimes happens naturally but often takes effort on your part….and you’re not alone. At one time or another, we all have had the experience of wanting to make new friends.
